Back from my latest marathon slog across the pond to visit my husband. A weekend in Texas is really enough for anyone, but he's worth it. This time I picked up a stinking cold on the way over and then added to it with around 10 mosquito bites from spending just 20 minutes in my friend's garden on Friday. I react badly to them, but thankfully none were on my face this time!
It being the Easter weekend, I had hoped that the visit room would be quiet and I was right. Saturday there were still 3 or 4 empty tables when I left, and on Sunday there was barely half the room full. That was good because we didn't have to raise our voices to be heard, and the guards were in a relaxed mood as well - probably because they were not rushed off their feet. Talking of feet, I was complimented on my socks by the guards who were doing the body searches. Pity I couldn't give them one of my business cards though as we're not allowed to take anything like that in with us.
A good addition to the visit room were colouring sets (a sheet of paper with a black and white drawing on and a few crayons) and a small book case for the kids to use. In 10 years I've never seen that provided by TDCJ, and it was great to see it there this weekend. And it's not just for kids; there was a young man with Downs Syndrome there on Saturday and he happily took a colouring set back to their table. That was lovely to see.
I felt a little bad that my husband was missing pork chops for his lunch. One of the other visitors was waiting on the table next to us for the inmate to come through, and after a while the guard came over and said that the inmate had already gone to lunch then the visit call went through, and that as it was pork chops they didn't want to make him leave the chow hall so he would be a little longer in arriving. That was nice that the guards let the visitors know - and that the guy got to eat his lunch first!
We had a good talk on both days. We had nothing that needed sorting out between us, but things that have happened in the family recently took up a bit of our time. That's OK though, as it's so much easier to do that in real time than via letters that still take on average 10 days to get to their destination.
Perhaps in a few more years TDCJ will have taken another step towards the modern age and will permit inmates to have tablets and perhaps video visits. Other states manage it without any security issues.
Showing posts with label visitation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label visitation. Show all posts
Wednesday, 8 April 2015
Sunday, 4 January 2015
Onwards
At this time of year, many people look back over the past 12 months and dissect their trials and tribulations. I find that a little depressing, even for the happy times, because they have gone and you can't get them back. So I prefer to look forwards, do a bit of planning (in the face of the Gods, just to see if they are taking any notice) and work out where I'd like to be in 12 months or so from now.
The recent VAT debacle has made me revise my original plans for developing the knitting patterns I've been working on. This has been a good thing, though I'd rather it hadn't been dropped on me at a moment's notice. But, carpe diem and all that jazz. I may not be as prolific as some designers out there, but I think I can contribute something to the global pattern library, so I will be working on those this year.
I'll still be spinning of course, and I have some more grey Gotland fleece on order. It's all part of the bigger picture really; I want to spin so I have yarn to create designs with, for myself and my family. I do also have a large stash of assorted yarns that I need to work with before buying any more... but any knitter out there will know how likely that is! 2015 is the Chinese year of the Sheep (goat/ram/etc) so I'm hoping to pick up some of the fleecy vibes.
I'll be seeing my husband again this spring, which is usually the main event in my year. I'm contemplating requesting a weekday visit at the moment, as it would fit our plans better. They are at the Warden's discretion of course, but if you don't ask, you're unlikely to get.
Blogging more often is also on my To Do list. I'm not one to blog for the sake of it, you are unlikely to see "this is my breakfast" or "my cat just did this" posts, but I do want to aim for at least once a month this year.
I've been offered a new opportunity at my day job, a secondment for up to 2 years, so things will be changing there and hopefully for the better. I'm not allowing myself to get excited about it until I have more details, but it has come at the right time for me. I've been doing my current job for just over 9 years now and things have changed a lot in that time.
There will be a bit of travel around the UK for my family history investigations. We have a castle in Durham ... well, we did, a few centuries ago, and it's now a mossy ruin, but I'd still like to go up and have a wander if I can. Plus there are still some bits of Berkshire that I need to get to and document properly.
So really 2015 will be more of the same, but hopefully bigger and better, and a little more lucrative!
The recent VAT debacle has made me revise my original plans for developing the knitting patterns I've been working on. This has been a good thing, though I'd rather it hadn't been dropped on me at a moment's notice. But, carpe diem and all that jazz. I may not be as prolific as some designers out there, but I think I can contribute something to the global pattern library, so I will be working on those this year.
I'll still be spinning of course, and I have some more grey Gotland fleece on order. It's all part of the bigger picture really; I want to spin so I have yarn to create designs with, for myself and my family. I do also have a large stash of assorted yarns that I need to work with before buying any more... but any knitter out there will know how likely that is! 2015 is the Chinese year of the Sheep (goat/ram/etc) so I'm hoping to pick up some of the fleecy vibes.
I'll be seeing my husband again this spring, which is usually the main event in my year. I'm contemplating requesting a weekday visit at the moment, as it would fit our plans better. They are at the Warden's discretion of course, but if you don't ask, you're unlikely to get.
Blogging more often is also on my To Do list. I'm not one to blog for the sake of it, you are unlikely to see "this is my breakfast" or "my cat just did this" posts, but I do want to aim for at least once a month this year.
I've been offered a new opportunity at my day job, a secondment for up to 2 years, so things will be changing there and hopefully for the better. I'm not allowing myself to get excited about it until I have more details, but it has come at the right time for me. I've been doing my current job for just over 9 years now and things have changed a lot in that time.
There will be a bit of travel around the UK for my family history investigations. We have a castle in Durham ... well, we did, a few centuries ago, and it's now a mossy ruin, but I'd still like to go up and have a wander if I can. Plus there are still some bits of Berkshire that I need to get to and document properly.
So really 2015 will be more of the same, but hopefully bigger and better, and a little more lucrative!
Saturday, 26 April 2014
This blog (and blogger) is here to help
Why do I blog?
I was asked that a few days ago, by someone who knew I did it but hadn't seen this blog or knew what the content is. It made me consider my reasons not only for blogging here, but for a few other things that I spent time online doing. My overall motivation is to help people.
In my day job, my work is a mix of helping different sets of often contradictory user groups in achieving similar aims. Conflict resolution and compromise are big parts of my daily mind set. It is often the case that to help one user group actually disadvantages the others, so a balance has to be found and sometimes the balance helps no one particularly well.
For as long as there are prisons and inmates, there will be an ever moving conveyor belt of people who want to write to them. I say "write", but more frequently these days emails and phone calls are also included in that scenario, and for some, also visits. All of these freeworld people have to start somewhere.
There are several forums online related to inmates, and communications with those in prison. Some are big, some smaller, some focused on a specific group of inmates or type of correspondence. Each has their place and their uses, along with their egos and atmospheres. Think of them as pubs or bars along a small town high street. You can crawl from one to the next, slowly becoming intoxicated by the various flavours on offer. Some may have a doorman, or a dress code, and some may be the old style bear pits that regularly get raided every weekend. But these days you can also get your beer at the supermarket, and at small corner shops. And some people brew their own.
This blog is me brewing my own flavour of information for those who are in some way involved with an inmate. This blog is (hopefully) not a pretentious champagne or an overbearing red or a thick pint of stout. The concept is that by sharing some of the stuff that my husband and I go through on our journey, we might help others avoid future pitfalls or perhaps show that there is a different way of doing something.
With that in mind, I have discovered a small piece of helpful information that is now available on the TDCJ inmate locator pages. When you search for an inmate and get to their details, you will now also see whether they are eligible for visits. I think this is a really useful piece of information, though you should always call the unit before travelling to see an inmate because the TDCJ website is usually 24 hours behind real time.
But well done to TDCJ.
I was asked that a few days ago, by someone who knew I did it but hadn't seen this blog or knew what the content is. It made me consider my reasons not only for blogging here, but for a few other things that I spent time online doing. My overall motivation is to help people.
In my day job, my work is a mix of helping different sets of often contradictory user groups in achieving similar aims. Conflict resolution and compromise are big parts of my daily mind set. It is often the case that to help one user group actually disadvantages the others, so a balance has to be found and sometimes the balance helps no one particularly well.
For as long as there are prisons and inmates, there will be an ever moving conveyor belt of people who want to write to them. I say "write", but more frequently these days emails and phone calls are also included in that scenario, and for some, also visits. All of these freeworld people have to start somewhere.
There are several forums online related to inmates, and communications with those in prison. Some are big, some smaller, some focused on a specific group of inmates or type of correspondence. Each has their place and their uses, along with their egos and atmospheres. Think of them as pubs or bars along a small town high street. You can crawl from one to the next, slowly becoming intoxicated by the various flavours on offer. Some may have a doorman, or a dress code, and some may be the old style bear pits that regularly get raided every weekend. But these days you can also get your beer at the supermarket, and at small corner shops. And some people brew their own.
This blog is me brewing my own flavour of information for those who are in some way involved with an inmate. This blog is (hopefully) not a pretentious champagne or an overbearing red or a thick pint of stout. The concept is that by sharing some of the stuff that my husband and I go through on our journey, we might help others avoid future pitfalls or perhaps show that there is a different way of doing something.
With that in mind, I have discovered a small piece of helpful information that is now available on the TDCJ inmate locator pages. When you search for an inmate and get to their details, you will now also see whether they are eligible for visits. I think this is a really useful piece of information, though you should always call the unit before travelling to see an inmate because the TDCJ website is usually 24 hours behind real time.
But well done to TDCJ.
Sunday, 2 March 2014
Xenophobia
The dictionary defines xenophobia as follows:
"Intense or irrational dislike or fear of people from other countries:"
By chance this week I have learned of the changes that TDCJ have made to the procedures for visitation across all units effective from 1 March 2014. The full document can be found here TDCJ Visitation Changes (the jump from the TDCJ Hompage is currently not active).
While I appreciate that some of these things will make visitation easier for a lot of people, particularly the inclusion of nephews and nieces in the "close relative" catagory for contact visits, there are other things that make it much more difficult for those travelling a long way for visitation - not just from overseas, but anywhere more than 300 miles away.
The item that affects me the most is the new requirement for the visitor ID to have an address that matches the TDCJ records for that person. For the past 8 years, my passport has been adequate ID but that does not contain my address details. I do not drive, so I do not have a European driving licence. I would offer a utility bill, as that is usually accepted here in the UK as proof of address, but as TDCJ do not permit those overseas to register for the inmate phone service it would seem unlikely that a bill would be accepted for anything else. One would think that my flight details might also be proof that I do indeed still live all the way over here and will be returning after the visit, but I don't hold out much hope of that either - considering most TDCJ staff I have known over the years admit to having never been out of the state let alone out of the country and look at my passport as something wierd and unknown, expecting them to understand what a flight print out is is probably pushing things too far.
The only way over this particular hurdle appears to be for me to get a provisional driving licence, at the £50 fee (pushing the cost overall of this visit over the £1000 mark). The DirectGov website says the licence is issued within one week - I hope so because I fly out in 4 weeks time and TDCJ gave no warning that the rules would be changing like this.
I know TDCJ are not there for my convenience. But there does appear to be a consistent level of general ignorance about anything that happens outside of Texas when it comes to making any rules at all. It is also starting to appear as xenophobia when you look at the following:
There is a question about what items would make visiting with children easier, but the way it is worded you can only respond to that if you actually have children. As anyone who visits TDCJ units knows, when children are in the visit room it affects everyone else there, so why should I not also be able to say that providing colouring pencils and paper would be a good idea?
Question 10 says: Do you communicate with the offender by letter, email (JPay) or phone before a visit?
The answer options are:
Finally, the last field on the survey asks for suggestions on how the unit can make visitation more enjoyable. I started typing my response, but the character limit is only around 200 - not nearly enough to mention the things I would like to, such as maybe sometimes using the outside seating at my husband's unit which has never been used in the 8 years he has been there. The staff at the unit are usually polite and efficient, even when their equipment doesn't work properly, and I have no issue with them at all. It's the TDCJ Administration that appear to be bunkered down in Austin and Huntsville like a bunch or Preppers, desperate to keep everyone out and everyone in, both at the same time.
And to top it all, when I hit the "submit" button, I get an error message. I have emailed the webservice team about all of this, but you know, I'm not Texan, so I'm not holding out for a response any time soon.
"Intense or irrational dislike or fear of people from other countries:"
By chance this week I have learned of the changes that TDCJ have made to the procedures for visitation across all units effective from 1 March 2014. The full document can be found here TDCJ Visitation Changes (the jump from the TDCJ Hompage is currently not active).
While I appreciate that some of these things will make visitation easier for a lot of people, particularly the inclusion of nephews and nieces in the "close relative" catagory for contact visits, there are other things that make it much more difficult for those travelling a long way for visitation - not just from overseas, but anywhere more than 300 miles away.
The item that affects me the most is the new requirement for the visitor ID to have an address that matches the TDCJ records for that person. For the past 8 years, my passport has been adequate ID but that does not contain my address details. I do not drive, so I do not have a European driving licence. I would offer a utility bill, as that is usually accepted here in the UK as proof of address, but as TDCJ do not permit those overseas to register for the inmate phone service it would seem unlikely that a bill would be accepted for anything else. One would think that my flight details might also be proof that I do indeed still live all the way over here and will be returning after the visit, but I don't hold out much hope of that either - considering most TDCJ staff I have known over the years admit to having never been out of the state let alone out of the country and look at my passport as something wierd and unknown, expecting them to understand what a flight print out is is probably pushing things too far.
The only way over this particular hurdle appears to be for me to get a provisional driving licence, at the £50 fee (pushing the cost overall of this visit over the £1000 mark). The DirectGov website says the licence is issued within one week - I hope so because I fly out in 4 weeks time and TDCJ gave no warning that the rules would be changing like this.
I know TDCJ are not there for my convenience. But there does appear to be a consistent level of general ignorance about anything that happens outside of Texas when it comes to making any rules at all. It is also starting to appear as xenophobia when you look at the following:
- International postage stamps are not available through commisarry at many units, meaning inmates must use 3 inland stamps and pay more than is required for the service
- Inmates are not permitted to call friends and family overseas, and those people living overseas (meaning, outside of the USA, excluding Alaska and Hawaii) are not permitted to registered their phone for the Inmate Telephone Service
- Visitors must obtain photo ID with a current address included - something that is not required in many other countries including Britain.
- Every weekend
- More than twice per month
- Once per month
- When I am able to but not on a consistent basis
There is a question about what items would make visiting with children easier, but the way it is worded you can only respond to that if you actually have children. As anyone who visits TDCJ units knows, when children are in the visit room it affects everyone else there, so why should I not also be able to say that providing colouring pencils and paper would be a good idea?
Question 10 says: Do you communicate with the offender by letter, email (JPay) or phone before a visit?
The answer options are:
- Always
- Sometimes
- Never
Finally, the last field on the survey asks for suggestions on how the unit can make visitation more enjoyable. I started typing my response, but the character limit is only around 200 - not nearly enough to mention the things I would like to, such as maybe sometimes using the outside seating at my husband's unit which has never been used in the 8 years he has been there. The staff at the unit are usually polite and efficient, even when their equipment doesn't work properly, and I have no issue with them at all. It's the TDCJ Administration that appear to be bunkered down in Austin and Huntsville like a bunch or Preppers, desperate to keep everyone out and everyone in, both at the same time.
And to top it all, when I hit the "submit" button, I get an error message. I have emailed the webservice team about all of this, but you know, I'm not Texan, so I'm not holding out for a response any time soon.
Monday, 10 February 2014
New horizons
While this blog is principally about my husband and myself, we do also have kids (not together) and their antics naturally impact on our lives too.
This month, my daughter and her boyfriend have made some big changes. After both being made redundant last December, both managed to find new jobs within a few weeks - something my husband and I are extremely proud of them for achieving as the economic climate is not helpful to youngsters at the moment and so many of their friends have struggled to find even part-time work.
My daughter got a job in specialist animal care, something she has always wanted to do and a big change from retail. But the job is in another city, and while it is only about 40 miles as the crow flies, our crows generally don't use public transport! As her job was the one with better prospects, the kids have moved to that city and are now no longer within about 5 miles of me here.
She and I haven't always lived together, or near to each other, but the past 4 years or so that she has been up here have been good. I'm going to miss seeing her as frequently, but it is an excellent opportunity for them both and the little house they are renting is lovely and suits them very well. Trying not to spend a lot of money on them helping them to move and settle in has been a bit difficult for me - I want to spend what I have on them, but I also have to cover my next trip to see my husband in a couple of months time.
I have plenty to keep myself occupied though. I have almost finished spinning some soy silk and silk noil yarn called Dragonfly that I hope to put up for sale this week. The colours are strong and the yarn is very soft but also very strong too. And I have taken delivery of about a kilo of Gotland fleece which I am very excited about. It too is very soft now that it has been scoured, and I can't wait for it to dry out completely so that I can start carding and spinning it.
Two young girls I know are pregnant and expecting their babies this summer, so I have lots of knitting to be getting on with, and there is still that handspun, hand dyed project for myself that I am knitting with a hope of wearing when I see hubby next. I'd better get on with it all!
This month, my daughter and her boyfriend have made some big changes. After both being made redundant last December, both managed to find new jobs within a few weeks - something my husband and I are extremely proud of them for achieving as the economic climate is not helpful to youngsters at the moment and so many of their friends have struggled to find even part-time work.
My daughter got a job in specialist animal care, something she has always wanted to do and a big change from retail. But the job is in another city, and while it is only about 40 miles as the crow flies, our crows generally don't use public transport! As her job was the one with better prospects, the kids have moved to that city and are now no longer within about 5 miles of me here.
She and I haven't always lived together, or near to each other, but the past 4 years or so that she has been up here have been good. I'm going to miss seeing her as frequently, but it is an excellent opportunity for them both and the little house they are renting is lovely and suits them very well. Trying not to spend a lot of money on them helping them to move and settle in has been a bit difficult for me - I want to spend what I have on them, but I also have to cover my next trip to see my husband in a couple of months time.
I have plenty to keep myself occupied though. I have almost finished spinning some soy silk and silk noil yarn called Dragonfly that I hope to put up for sale this week. The colours are strong and the yarn is very soft but also very strong too. And I have taken delivery of about a kilo of Gotland fleece which I am very excited about. It too is very soft now that it has been scoured, and I can't wait for it to dry out completely so that I can start carding and spinning it.
Two young girls I know are pregnant and expecting their babies this summer, so I have lots of knitting to be getting on with, and there is still that handspun, hand dyed project for myself that I am knitting with a hope of wearing when I see hubby next. I'd better get on with it all!
Tuesday, 7 May 2013
There and back again... again
I've just got back from another visit to Texas to see my husband. For anyone contemplating this kind of lifestyle, the stress related to visiting an inmate in a foreign country cannot be overstated. It's certainly not all hearts and flowers and violins playing in the background! More likely, it will be hearts strung out like a piece of elastic, flowers drawn on a handmade card, and the constant background noise of other families trying to visit at the same time as you.
While our visit this weekend was one of our best ~ mainly because the visit room was very quiet on both days, probably because of Cinco de Mayo ~ there seems to always be something that leaves us thinking "Huh?". This time, it was pictures, or rather the lack of them. Most TDCJ units only allow photographs to be taken at the visits of inmates and their visitors on the first weekend of each month. The money made (each photo costs $3) goes to local charities, and the photos are taken by the guards or by volunteers linked to the charity involved. Sometimes, a month will be set aside where photos are available on every weekend in that month. That seems to happen in September for some reason.
I try to arrange our visits so that I am there on a photo weekend. We need those photos to add to my husband's parole packet when the time comes, to show continued support. I may also need them when I decide to try and move to the States. This weekend was the first in May, so naturally we assumed we would be able to have photos. But when I arrived for registration on Saturday there was a sign on the picket door saying "No photos today!". When I asked about it, the guards said that the decision had been made to do photos next weekend instead, because that is Mother's Day in the US.
I didn't make a big deal of it, but I don't understand why they couldn't do the photos on both weekends. In fact, why limit them to once a month in the first place? Questions like this rarely get an answer with TDCJ. It just is.
It was lovely and warm there in Tennessee Colony, cool by TX standards but perfect for me and my pale European skin. My husband's unit has a set of tables outside of the contact visit room, with canopies over them, fenced in within the grass surrounding the building. You would get to them from the contact room. If the door was ever open that is. In the 6 years I've been visiting there, and all the people my husband has asked, no one has ever known those outside tables to be used for visitation. They would be perfect for those bringing young children; the kids could be noisier than in the echoing visit room, and they would be outside in a safe enclosed area. Other units use their outside tables. My husband's unit does not. Those tables are just expensive lawn ornaments.
I try not to tell Texans (or anyone else) that they are wrong. Instead, I try to find the reasons why someone might do a certain thing. But with TDCJ you hit brick wall after brick wall. Often the "reason" appears to be "because we can" or "because we say so", and neither of those answers do anything towards rehabilitation or consideration that an inmate's family are not there to be punished as well. Currently, we don't understand why:
While our visit this weekend was one of our best ~ mainly because the visit room was very quiet on both days, probably because of Cinco de Mayo ~ there seems to always be something that leaves us thinking "Huh?". This time, it was pictures, or rather the lack of them. Most TDCJ units only allow photographs to be taken at the visits of inmates and their visitors on the first weekend of each month. The money made (each photo costs $3) goes to local charities, and the photos are taken by the guards or by volunteers linked to the charity involved. Sometimes, a month will be set aside where photos are available on every weekend in that month. That seems to happen in September for some reason.
I try to arrange our visits so that I am there on a photo weekend. We need those photos to add to my husband's parole packet when the time comes, to show continued support. I may also need them when I decide to try and move to the States. This weekend was the first in May, so naturally we assumed we would be able to have photos. But when I arrived for registration on Saturday there was a sign on the picket door saying "No photos today!". When I asked about it, the guards said that the decision had been made to do photos next weekend instead, because that is Mother's Day in the US.
I didn't make a big deal of it, but I don't understand why they couldn't do the photos on both weekends. In fact, why limit them to once a month in the first place? Questions like this rarely get an answer with TDCJ. It just is.
It was lovely and warm there in Tennessee Colony, cool by TX standards but perfect for me and my pale European skin. My husband's unit has a set of tables outside of the contact visit room, with canopies over them, fenced in within the grass surrounding the building. You would get to them from the contact room. If the door was ever open that is. In the 6 years I've been visiting there, and all the people my husband has asked, no one has ever known those outside tables to be used for visitation. They would be perfect for those bringing young children; the kids could be noisier than in the echoing visit room, and they would be outside in a safe enclosed area. Other units use their outside tables. My husband's unit does not. Those tables are just expensive lawn ornaments.
image from Rick Mauderer's blog
I try not to tell Texans (or anyone else) that they are wrong. Instead, I try to find the reasons why someone might do a certain thing. But with TDCJ you hit brick wall after brick wall. Often the "reason" appears to be "because we can" or "because we say so", and neither of those answers do anything towards rehabilitation or consideration that an inmate's family are not there to be punished as well. Currently, we don't understand why:
- TDCJ inmates and visitors are made to sit across wide tables from each other in the contact sections, so wide that to hold hands you have to sit constantly stretched at an awkward angle
- TDCJ inmates are not permitted to get up or walk around during a visit unless it is to use the bathroom (and even then, they are discouraged from doing so)
- Children visiting TDCJ inmates have to remain seated at the table and have no toys or books to help occupy them. Given that visits are usually between 2 and 4 hours long, this rule can only have been made by a man who has never had to spend any time with a squirming toddler. The alternative reason can only be that TDCJ feels children should not be in the visit rooms at all, and imposing a rule like this will discourage many parents and grandparents from bringing children to visit.
- The table we were assigned (you can't choose your own at my husband's unit) had not been cleaned from the previous weekend. It still had crumbs from the snacks on the table top. There is only toilet tissue available to wipe tables with. I find this very strange, given that there are numerous inmates capable of wielding a cloth and a spot of detergent on at least one of the week days when visits are not held.
- Visits are only held on weekends, with the exception of Death Row at the Polunsky unit. Maybe not so much of an issue at units with just 1500 inmates, but when there are more than 4000 inmates and only 60 contact tables, and always several families travelling more than 300 miles and qualifying for a "special" visit of 4 hours on both days, inevitably some people have to wait before they are able to enter the unit. If you arrive after midday, you are unlikely to get a full 4 hours and many have to wait up to 2 hours for their regular visit. Having visitation during the week would help ease the bottleneck at weekends; weekday visits could also be child-free, and possibly a less restricted experience where inmates could earn a weekday visit for good behaviour and be permitted to sit next to their visitors and walk to the vending machines and select their own snacks. They are strip searched in any case, and if the privilege is earned then it is less likely to be squandered.
Sunday, 28 October 2012
On the road again
Well in a day or so anyway. Today I'm doing the last minute laundry and checking of flight details etc before I head out over the the Atlantic (hopefully avoiding Hurricane Sandy!) and down to Texas to see my husband.
I found myself wondering earlier, just how many other people do this. I say people, although I guess the vast majority are female, though surely there are at least one or two guys who write to American female inmates and make the journey to see them occasionally. I doubt there is any way to officially count the numbers entering the USA to visit penpals and husbands/boyfriends/fiances each year, simply because most would not give that as their reason for entering the USA. I answer the border guards' questions as and when they are asked, I don't generally volunteer any unrequested information. I stay with an English friend while I'm over there who has been there for 30+ years, and once a border guard did ask me why I would want to go to the small town my friend lives in. I told him that is where she lives, and I could tell he thought I was crazy just for that. I can imagine his opinion if I'd told him that 2 days later we'd be driving up to Palestine to visit my husband in prison. That's why I, and many people I know who do this, don't mention visiting prisons when we travel. It's really not worth the hostility and condescension you receive.
But still I wonder how many people from Europe, Canada and even Australia make this journey each year - and some, multiple times a year. This will be my 10th or 11th visit, I'm not really counting. Each time I'm there, I spend around $500, which isn't much really as I don't treat it like a holiday. Might not sound like much going into the American economy just by myself, but what if there are thousands of people doing the same thing - and spending considerably more than I do - each year.
It is interesting to note the difference in attitudes at the moment between President Obama and Mitt Romney when it comes to all things foreign. Mr Romney says that to be effective overseas, America must be strong at home. That's a very insular view, as if we over here care much in general about how America is at home. We just want to be sure that America isn't dragging the world into yet another war it can't win and has no business financing or facilitating. Mr Romney didn't make a good impression when he recently visited Europe and the Middle East. Someone should remind him that you don't make friends by insulting people or insinuating that you're better than they are.
By contrast, Europe seemed to enjoy President Obama's visit a couple of years ago, particularly his Irish "relatives" the O'Bamas. That was pure genius. It doesn't matter what his political leanings are, or his social policy or even his foreign policy, what Obama has that Romney doesn't is an understanding of people. He doesn't talk down them, he doesn't take a paternal stance and speak as though he knows what's best for us if we would only listen in some Victorianesque tone voice and painted smile. But he can be decisive, and he leads quietly. Maybe Americans would rather have a noisy blusterous individual who stumbles over malapropisms and unimportant things like the truth, and leaves a trail of destruction in their wake. If they do, I'll be leaving America with Mr Romney in charge. And if that happens, it might just get even harder for me to return, because I'm sure I'm not the kind of person he wants hanging out on his turf, even if I am spending my money there for a while.
I found myself wondering earlier, just how many other people do this. I say people, although I guess the vast majority are female, though surely there are at least one or two guys who write to American female inmates and make the journey to see them occasionally. I doubt there is any way to officially count the numbers entering the USA to visit penpals and husbands/boyfriends/fiances each year, simply because most would not give that as their reason for entering the USA. I answer the border guards' questions as and when they are asked, I don't generally volunteer any unrequested information. I stay with an English friend while I'm over there who has been there for 30+ years, and once a border guard did ask me why I would want to go to the small town my friend lives in. I told him that is where she lives, and I could tell he thought I was crazy just for that. I can imagine his opinion if I'd told him that 2 days later we'd be driving up to Palestine to visit my husband in prison. That's why I, and many people I know who do this, don't mention visiting prisons when we travel. It's really not worth the hostility and condescension you receive.
But still I wonder how many people from Europe, Canada and even Australia make this journey each year - and some, multiple times a year. This will be my 10th or 11th visit, I'm not really counting. Each time I'm there, I spend around $500, which isn't much really as I don't treat it like a holiday. Might not sound like much going into the American economy just by myself, but what if there are thousands of people doing the same thing - and spending considerably more than I do - each year.
It is interesting to note the difference in attitudes at the moment between President Obama and Mitt Romney when it comes to all things foreign. Mr Romney says that to be effective overseas, America must be strong at home. That's a very insular view, as if we over here care much in general about how America is at home. We just want to be sure that America isn't dragging the world into yet another war it can't win and has no business financing or facilitating. Mr Romney didn't make a good impression when he recently visited Europe and the Middle East. Someone should remind him that you don't make friends by insulting people or insinuating that you're better than they are.
By contrast, Europe seemed to enjoy President Obama's visit a couple of years ago, particularly his Irish "relatives" the O'Bamas. That was pure genius. It doesn't matter what his political leanings are, or his social policy or even his foreign policy, what Obama has that Romney doesn't is an understanding of people. He doesn't talk down them, he doesn't take a paternal stance and speak as though he knows what's best for us if we would only listen in some Victorianesque tone voice and painted smile. But he can be decisive, and he leads quietly. Maybe Americans would rather have a noisy blusterous individual who stumbles over malapropisms and unimportant things like the truth, and leaves a trail of destruction in their wake. If they do, I'll be leaving America with Mr Romney in charge. And if that happens, it might just get even harder for me to return, because I'm sure I'm not the kind of person he wants hanging out on his turf, even if I am spending my money there for a while.
Wednesday, 19 October 2011
The Promise of a Visit
As well as Hubby being in prison, I write to a couple of other inmates in other parts of the USA as well. One theme unites them all: visits, or the lack of.
When I see Hubby, I usually have some idea of when I might be back there. I don't really like leaving without being able to tell him when he can start to expect me back again - even when in our case it could be as far off as a year's time. I visit regularly, and he always tells me that if a hurricane is headed their way I am not to leave here etc etc.
My pals have varying experiences with visits. Jon in Pennsylvania usually has a visit from his neice (who used to go with Jon's sister until she died earlier this year) once or twice a year, and from a couple of people who write to him and live nearby in between. He knows when his neice will be visiting, but the other friend's visits are unexpected and possibly more enjoyable because of that.
My pal in Oregon rarely gets visits, but is constantly promised them from her family. The letter I received from her this week was written over the course of about a week; she starts by saying her daughter may be bringing the kids to see her and her sister may be visiting next month. Then later, the day of the promised visit arrives and she is waiting to see if she gets the call to the visitation room. And finally, no visit from the daughter, and her sister can't make it next month now either.
Hubby has experienced the promise of visits undelivered too over the years so far. Frequently he will be told that this family member will come and see him or that old friend will be dropping by. Every Father's Day weekend, he hopes to see his sons. Once or twice they have been, but there is nothing regular in their frequency. He says he does not expect them to visit - how could he expect anything from them - but he hopes. And that hope is what my pal in Oregon clings to, but for how much longer she will be able to I do not know.
She says she won't believe her family now until they actually show up. But how can you do that? How can you stop yourself from hoping, wanting something that you see others get, yet is totally out of your control to achieve?
I suppose some would say that it is payback for the times that Hubby didn't turn up when he was supposed to see the kids. There are plenty of people that that would apply to, but not to my pal in Oregon. And then I wonder what exactly is it that stops people from visiting an incarcerated family member. I can think of several things
I just wish people would be a little more honest, and not make promises so lightly that they break easily. Better to say you wont be there, than to leave someone hanging on waiting.
When I see Hubby, I usually have some idea of when I might be back there. I don't really like leaving without being able to tell him when he can start to expect me back again - even when in our case it could be as far off as a year's time. I visit regularly, and he always tells me that if a hurricane is headed their way I am not to leave here etc etc.
My pals have varying experiences with visits. Jon in Pennsylvania usually has a visit from his neice (who used to go with Jon's sister until she died earlier this year) once or twice a year, and from a couple of people who write to him and live nearby in between. He knows when his neice will be visiting, but the other friend's visits are unexpected and possibly more enjoyable because of that.
My pal in Oregon rarely gets visits, but is constantly promised them from her family. The letter I received from her this week was written over the course of about a week; she starts by saying her daughter may be bringing the kids to see her and her sister may be visiting next month. Then later, the day of the promised visit arrives and she is waiting to see if she gets the call to the visitation room. And finally, no visit from the daughter, and her sister can't make it next month now either.
Hubby has experienced the promise of visits undelivered too over the years so far. Frequently he will be told that this family member will come and see him or that old friend will be dropping by. Every Father's Day weekend, he hopes to see his sons. Once or twice they have been, but there is nothing regular in their frequency. He says he does not expect them to visit - how could he expect anything from them - but he hopes. And that hope is what my pal in Oregon clings to, but for how much longer she will be able to I do not know.
She says she won't believe her family now until they actually show up. But how can you do that? How can you stop yourself from hoping, wanting something that you see others get, yet is totally out of your control to achieve?
I suppose some would say that it is payback for the times that Hubby didn't turn up when he was supposed to see the kids. There are plenty of people that that would apply to, but not to my pal in Oregon. And then I wonder what exactly is it that stops people from visiting an incarcerated family member. I can think of several things
- The feeling that the visitor has also done something wrong, even when we haven't
- The attitudes of some of the correctional staff
- The indiginity of being pat searched by someone in a more intrusive and less polite way than would happen at an airport
- The cost of getting to the prison (they are rarely in urban areas or served by public transport)
- Difficulty in getting time off work on visitation days
I just wish people would be a little more honest, and not make promises so lightly that they break easily. Better to say you wont be there, than to leave someone hanging on waiting.
Tuesday, 4 October 2011
Nothing to Declare (Strange emotions)
Just a quick post as I'm exhausted and need to get a few hours sleep before my daughter gets home from work.
I'm back from my weekend trip to see my husband in TDCJ. That makes it sound like I travelled maybe a couple of hundred miles, but actually it's a round trip of about 10,000 miles which includes 6 hours on 2 buses, 18 hours on 2 planes, and lots of driving around Texas.
Our visit was as good as it always is. By that I mean the time me and Ray spend together is always good, filled with lots of laughter and discussion and intimate looks (because we can't have anything else). But the longer we do this, the more we are both aware of how we need to deal with it all - regardless of how we both deal with anything else in our lives, including people we know and often people who don't know us particularly well.
We usually spend a bit of time each visit talking about our combined strategy for getting through the next chunk of months until the next time we see each other. Marking time by visits breaks up the whole amount into more manageable pieces. We seem to also be building our own defenses too now; we both talk a lot about how others we know (and who don't always approve of or understand our life as it is) are becomming less influential or important to us, and how we need to do what is right for us so that we stay strong for each other.
What we face are several scenarios that will ultimately dictate how we can maintain our marriage:
Normally, I have a few tears when the plane takes off from Houston. This time though, it wasn't until I had collected my suitcase and was walking through the "Nothing to Declare" exit that I suddenly felt I was going to break down completely. The overwhelming feeling that I am not strong enough to do this - and why the hel should it be so damned difficult - washed over me and I wanted to turn round and grab hold of a customs officer and shout "I DO have something to declare: I want to bring my husband home!"
But of course it doesn't work like that. And there is nothing "normal" about any of this. Normal people don't have to take so much into consideration when they fall in love or get married. I do love him though, and right now I'm too tired and emotional to deal with the politics.
Sleep now. Fight later.
I'm back from my weekend trip to see my husband in TDCJ. That makes it sound like I travelled maybe a couple of hundred miles, but actually it's a round trip of about 10,000 miles which includes 6 hours on 2 buses, 18 hours on 2 planes, and lots of driving around Texas.
Our visit was as good as it always is. By that I mean the time me and Ray spend together is always good, filled with lots of laughter and discussion and intimate looks (because we can't have anything else). But the longer we do this, the more we are both aware of how we need to deal with it all - regardless of how we both deal with anything else in our lives, including people we know and often people who don't know us particularly well.
We usually spend a bit of time each visit talking about our combined strategy for getting through the next chunk of months until the next time we see each other. Marking time by visits breaks up the whole amount into more manageable pieces. We seem to also be building our own defenses too now; we both talk a lot about how others we know (and who don't always approve of or understand our life as it is) are becomming less influential or important to us, and how we need to do what is right for us so that we stay strong for each other.
What we face are several scenarios that will ultimately dictate how we can maintain our marriage:
- That he will stay in TDCJ until he is 84 (ie, until he completes his entire sentence)
- That he will stay in TDCJ until at least 2024, and then be paroled
- That he will be paroled, but that I may not be permitted to reside in the USA
- That I will move to the USA but not to Texas, and that he will not be permitted to reside outside of Texas
- That I will be able to live in another part of the USA and that he will be able to arrange a transfer, either while still incarcerated or when paroled, to live with me
Normally, I have a few tears when the plane takes off from Houston. This time though, it wasn't until I had collected my suitcase and was walking through the "Nothing to Declare" exit that I suddenly felt I was going to break down completely. The overwhelming feeling that I am not strong enough to do this - and why the hel should it be so damned difficult - washed over me and I wanted to turn round and grab hold of a customs officer and shout "I DO have something to declare: I want to bring my husband home!"
But of course it doesn't work like that. And there is nothing "normal" about any of this. Normal people don't have to take so much into consideration when they fall in love or get married. I do love him though, and right now I'm too tired and emotional to deal with the politics.
Sleep now. Fight later.
Wednesday, 28 September 2011
Almost on the road again - another visit to TDCJ
I'll be heading out to Texas again tomorrow morning for another weekend of being driven across a state I have no love for, to see a man for 2 lots of 4 hours who is so much more than his crime, or an inmate, or recidivism waiting to happen, or just another statistic.
I'll be flying across and ocean and a large part of a continent. He'll be walking around 200 meters.
I'll be dressing to placate the TDCJ policy but still look as nice as I can. He'll be trying to get a clean shirt without stains and will be avoiding breakfast so that the guards don't put a thick black marker-pen line on the front of his shirt.
I'll be the one buying the food. He'll be the one eating it.
I'll be the one walking out of the gate at the end of our visit.
Most of the time, I am stoical about this. I knew what I was getting into when we were married, I'm under no illusions that Texas will drop its hostility to inmates and their friends and families and its desire to extract every ounce of flesh it can. But having done 7 years now, and seeing my husband's progress from a battling addict to a calm and reflective older man (who is still trying to help his younger addict brother beat the demons that plague them both, and who is desperately wanted home by their mother) I see less and less justification for him to have to stay there for another 13+ years. My European mentality is at complete odds with his keepers' Texan one.
It's not that we are in any way down-playing the gravity of his actions. It is simply that in his case, and so many others, the length of his sentence serves little purpose. Or at least, the length of time that he has to serve before he can see parole. He will be no less "dangerous" in 13 years time than he is right now, today; he's no more dangerous than you or I. Yet he will be far less productive in 13 years time because he will then be in his mid 60s.
He will also be, despite all our efforts, institutionalised. I see it now in small ways when I'm with him. His hesitation and sometimes inability to make a decision on what to eat or drink. His involuntary habit of looking down rather than at the person talking to him. By the time he leaves prison, he will have not done up a zipper or button for 20 years. Can you even imagine that? How can anyone be "rehabilitated" when all decision-making beyond whether to eat or not has been removed for so long?
It would be better for everyone if - as part of the sentence - inmates spent less time in isolation and more time in the community, still under supervision but actively involved in work or volunteer programmes. But Texans have a peculiar mentality that means they would prefer to have these inmates hidden from view for ever, regardless of whatever crime they had committed, although Texans never come out and say who is supposed to pay for the warehousing of inmates. Even if you keep them in the sub-poverty conditions that many Texans would like, there is still the cost of security supervision, building maintenance, clothing etc.
The more I think about things like this, the more obvious it becomes that I cannot live in Texas. Nowhere is so diametrically opposed to my own views. So our only other recourse is to investigate the possibility of an inter-state transfer, something that few people know exist and fewer Texan inmates ever get to use. But if that is a way, then we will try it.
I'll be flying across and ocean and a large part of a continent. He'll be walking around 200 meters.
I'll be dressing to placate the TDCJ policy but still look as nice as I can. He'll be trying to get a clean shirt without stains and will be avoiding breakfast so that the guards don't put a thick black marker-pen line on the front of his shirt.
I'll be the one buying the food. He'll be the one eating it.
I'll be the one walking out of the gate at the end of our visit.
Most of the time, I am stoical about this. I knew what I was getting into when we were married, I'm under no illusions that Texas will drop its hostility to inmates and their friends and families and its desire to extract every ounce of flesh it can. But having done 7 years now, and seeing my husband's progress from a battling addict to a calm and reflective older man (who is still trying to help his younger addict brother beat the demons that plague them both, and who is desperately wanted home by their mother) I see less and less justification for him to have to stay there for another 13+ years. My European mentality is at complete odds with his keepers' Texan one.
It's not that we are in any way down-playing the gravity of his actions. It is simply that in his case, and so many others, the length of his sentence serves little purpose. Or at least, the length of time that he has to serve before he can see parole. He will be no less "dangerous" in 13 years time than he is right now, today; he's no more dangerous than you or I. Yet he will be far less productive in 13 years time because he will then be in his mid 60s.
He will also be, despite all our efforts, institutionalised. I see it now in small ways when I'm with him. His hesitation and sometimes inability to make a decision on what to eat or drink. His involuntary habit of looking down rather than at the person talking to him. By the time he leaves prison, he will have not done up a zipper or button for 20 years. Can you even imagine that? How can anyone be "rehabilitated" when all decision-making beyond whether to eat or not has been removed for so long?
It would be better for everyone if - as part of the sentence - inmates spent less time in isolation and more time in the community, still under supervision but actively involved in work or volunteer programmes. But Texans have a peculiar mentality that means they would prefer to have these inmates hidden from view for ever, regardless of whatever crime they had committed, although Texans never come out and say who is supposed to pay for the warehousing of inmates. Even if you keep them in the sub-poverty conditions that many Texans would like, there is still the cost of security supervision, building maintenance, clothing etc.
The more I think about things like this, the more obvious it becomes that I cannot live in Texas. Nowhere is so diametrically opposed to my own views. So our only other recourse is to investigate the possibility of an inter-state transfer, something that few people know exist and fewer Texan inmates ever get to use. But if that is a way, then we will try it.
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