Anniversary

A few days ago, Hubby and I celebrated 7 years of marriage. We celebrated separately of course; we've only spent one anniversary together in all of those years.

We have two anniversaries each year. Our wedding anniversary in December and also our "first contact" anniversary in June. That marks the day that we first knew each other, the day we first talked. Hubby always places more importance on that one than I do, possibly because he has been married before and I haven't.

When I read others' posts about their anniversaries with their husbands, fiances and boyfriends, I always think they get a bit gushing and luvvie. I'm sure that to them, their men are wonderful and everything they ever wanted in a man - except for not actually being there of course. I don't want to go down that same route with this post. Instead, I want to put down what it means to me to be a wife.

So many women go into marriage thinking about what they will gain from it. Whether it be financial or emotional or practical support, there is often a benefit to being married rather than staying single (or even staying with the guy but not being married). When you marry an inmate, it really doesn't work like that at all, especially if the inmate is in TDCJ.

If you are looking for financial help, you really should look elsewhere. TDCJ inmates are not paid for the work that they generally have to do, so you'd better make sure you can support yourself, and him (and any kids or other family you might have or acquire through marriage). I have a good full-time job which is enough to cover our expenses; he hates it that I send him money each month, but if I didn't he wouldn't be able to write to me or the rest of our family or friends.

Practical support is also, obviously, not there. I take out my own rubbish, do my own dishes, put up my own shelves and do my own laundry. Ours is a self-contained relationship in that we each take care of ourselves and not physically each other. This wouldn't work for everyone, you have to be very comfortable with your own company and resourceful, not minding if you break a nail here and there.

So what's in it for me, I hear you wondering.

At the risk of slipping into slushiness, it's the emotional support. I'm a pretty together woman, and can draw on my own reserves when I need to, but what I get out of this arrangement is someone who cares what's happening to me. Someone to discuss stuff with, and make decisions with, someone to tell about my day who is genuinely interested. Someone to share new discoveries with, someone to encourage and who encourages me in return. It's a bonus that I happen to think he is damned good looking.

I take my vows very seriously. Not the common "love, honour and obey" that you get in religious ceremonies, because we didn't have one of those. We were married by a Judge and the words she used were much more relevant to us, about being two individuals making the choice to face whatever life throws at them together. To be each other's shelter and stability. That was my promise to Hubby, that I would continue to be as I had been up to then, that I could give him consistency and stability.

The past 7 years have been..... unorthodox. Naturally there are things I would change if I could, but he isn't one of them.

Using a sledgehammer to crack a peanut

TDCJ has outdone itself yet again when imposing new rules on inmate correspondence.

Two things have found their way to me this week relating to the new inmate correspondence rules for TDCJ that come into effect next March.

The first is that apparently, from then on, the only place that friends and family can purchase stationary for inmates will be eComm Direct, the "new" online vendor for TDCJ. I predicted this would happen a few months ago, and now it has. I feel bad for the small businesses around Texas that had previously been approved by TDCJ to supply stationary like the Texas Prison Bookstore and Rosie's Graphics.

The other item is about things you cannot send to an inmate:

11. Contains an altered photo.

"Altered Photo” is an image with content in violation of this policy that has been edited, including, but not limited to, by removing or changing the contents of the image with a computer software program or other means
.
I don't think they realise how badly worded that statement is - or if they do, then it is a Draconian measure that could lead to the mailrooms denying all photos because they could not be sure if they had been "altered" or not. Altered must surely include cropping a photo, as well as adding text as I often to do the copies of our visit photos that my husband and I get, just to put the date and our names on the front so he can send them on to family and friends.

If they don't want people to send naked photos with stars or other shapes blocking out the naughty bits, then fine, say so. But this will affect a lot of people who innocently just want to tidy up a photo, and perhaps obscure someone's face (like a child) and then send it to the inmate. Equally, the "or other means" at the end would potentially also include cutting a photo with scissors or even writing the inmate's name and number on the back of it. Whoever came up with this new rule obviously has far too much time on their hands!

 image from: Google

It could however, be more insidious than that. It could be that someone in TDCJ thinks that women should not pose naked for photographs - even if the crucial bits are obscured - even if they are sending them to their husbands. It could be that TDCJ are trying to change the behaviour of people who are otherwise outside its control. Or it could just be that someone has put a CO's wife's head on the body of someone else in a compromising position and caused a major fight somewhere.

But the most useful piece of information they could have included is not there at all - what exactly constitutes a "package" as far as TDCJ is concerned? 

Hare's Moon Yarns

If you are a knitter, crocheter or just someone who likes messing around with yarn, why not take a look at what's on sale at Hare's Moon Yarns right now.

To purchase any of these yarns click here:  Hare's Moon Yarns

A long weekend

It's the August bank holiday weekend here in England (the Scots don't share this one with us), which means Monday off work for a lot of people, me included. It hasn't come too soon in my opinion, I tend to work all through the summer when others are taking their holidays, and I use my days in the spring and autumn instead. That makes for a long slog getting from week to week though, so I do look forward to this short working week. We haven't had a public holiday since the end of May this year, and don't get another until Christmas.

It's given me an extra day to just do very little. Normal weekends are not quite long enough to fully let my head unwind, but this does feel like a proper break from work. My job involves thinking for about 15 other people, planning and troubleshooting as well as customer service, so it's nice to only think about me for a while.

But as usual, I end up thinking of other people anyway! My mother-in-law hasn't had the best of summers, so while out shopping yesterday I decided to get a few small things to make a surprise package for her. When I got home, I decided I also needed a small bag to put the items in, and so set about making a Bag Of Sunshine:

 

I've been suffering a little bit of Festival Envy this weekend too, watching the Reading Festival on telly. I grew up in that town, and spent a few of my teenage summers either inside the festival or just hanging out on the outside meeting random people and generally enjoying the music and the atmosphere (back in the days when it was still a ROCK Festival). My daughter went for the first time when she was 12 (with her dad) and that spawned an equal appreciation of live music to rival mine. We are hoping to go and see Volbeat live in October together, but watching the kids at Reading this weekend made me yearn for the days of sun, beer and tunes in a field in Berkshire. I'm tool old and arthritic to camp over these days, but maybe next year Download for the day...

The downside to a bank holiday weekend is no mail on the Monday. As I've had the time to write, my husband will be getting a much longer letter than he's been used to recently, so no complaints from him! He generally doesn't complain but as I've worked a few very long days over the past month, I've been sending cards instead of proper letters. Now I can expand on some of the things I've just mentioned in passing, which stimulates conversation back from him too. He has also started writing short pieces for a blog on the nature he sees when he is working. It's a good discipline, one we both enjoy.

From him to me

Another song he wants me to listen to. This is about as close to Country music as he dare nudge me, but as he's asking....

Sheryl Crow ~ "Easy"

Need cake?

Who doesn't!

I'm all for people starting their own small businesses, and a friend of mine at work' wife has recently started a cake making business. It is called Laura's Cakes, and she is based in Gloucestershire, England. My friend brought a batch of Laura's Cakes to work today for us to road-test, and I have to say that the vanilla sponge with vanilla buttercream icing and a white chocolate drizzled strawberry on top were awesome!

So get on over to Laura's Cakes and order yourself some scrumminess like the cupcakes made by Laura below :)

The Mountain

Many of us have mountains to climb in our lives. Some are the real kind of rocks and snowy peaks that we chose to climb because they are there. Others are obstacles in our way to other things, we usually hope "better" things. And for some, life itself is just one big mountain that must be scaled.

My husband an I are negotiating a mountain of sorts with his time in TDCJ, and this in itself is a mountain of his that he reached the top of, only to find a bigger one obscured by the mist. For his brother, life has been one mountain after another, and may have grown bigger over time due to his brother's own actions. You can't bury mountains; they rise and fall of their own volition, but if you have the right equipment then most are conquerable. Sadly for my brother-in-law, he faced one mountain too many and was found dead a few days ago.

This now presents us with more mountains, although I am confident that these will not be as large or looming as ones we've already faced.

The first one was how to get word to my husband. His mother lives in a care home and is unable to access the inmate telephone system for TDCJ inmates. I live in the UK, and am also prohibited from registering with the TDCJ phone system. My mother-in-law is also in a difficult position when wanting to call overseas, but thankfully the care home did allow her to call me a couple of days after the event.

She also called and spoke to one of the new Chaplains at my husband's unit, explained the situation, and the Chaplain organised a call between my husband and my mother-in-law, which is not supposed to happen but I am so thankful that it did. It meant my husband was informed within a few days of the death of his brother, and by someone close to him instead of a guard or the Chaplain himself.

Had either of us been able to access the TDCJ inmate phone system, the Chaplain's assistance would not have been necessary.

The yarn I have been spinning this week is half Yak down and half Merino wool and very soft to the touch. I had been thinking of naming it something to do with the Himalayas because of the Yak content. However, time moves on even if we don't. It is now simply named "The Mountain".