Some people may say that I shouldn't be blogging about this. Some may say that it could put hubby at risk of intimidation or retaliation by the prison guards or administration. So let me start by saying two things very clearly:
1. Hubby has no intention of taking part in the planned inmate strike on 9 September 2016, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't have an opinion on it or discuss it.
2. Intimidation and retaliation are just other words for bullying, and if there is one thing I detest more than people touching things that don't belong to them, it's bullies. They only have power if you let them, and by not talking about something like this, you give them power.
OK, now that's out of the way, lets get to the subject at hand: the proposed inmate strike on 9 September. This is a follow-up, and in some cases, ongoing action, from the April strikes that took place in at least 5 TDCJ prisons and several others across America. The reasons for the protest and action are many - when you have around 2 million people affected directly by something, you are unlikely to get a single number one issue. But Texas is unusual in that it does not pay its inmates any money at all for the work that they are obliged to do (don't turn up for your work detail in TDCJ, you'll catch a case and further punishment which can include being placed in Ad Seg, loss of other 'priviledges' such as the already limited recreation time, etc).
Now I do get the argument put forward by many in Texas that inmates get a number of things 'for free' while in prison that they would have to pay for in the freeworld. These include food, a roof over their head, a bed, clothes, running water (from the walls if not from a tap, and you probably wouldn't want to drink it anyway given the levels of arsenic in some areas). I also get that these are people who have been found guilty or plead guilty (two things that do not necessarily mean a person IS guilty by the way) and are in prison as punishment. But just as TDCJ is fast becoming the dumping ground for mentally ill individuals, the Texas public and lawmakers have a somewhat schizophrenic relationship with prisons and inmates (and their families).
First, there is absolutely no such thing as a free anything in Texas (or anywhere else). Just because the inmate does not pay directly in cash for the food, bed, roof, clothes, etc, doesn't make it free. Either the family pay by sending money that is then used to cover some of the medical costs or communication costs or food and other items from the commissary, or EVERYONE ELSE in Texas who pays taxes is paying for it all. And for many, that includes the inmate right up to the day they find themselves in jail.
In a state so adverse to paying personal income tax or any other kind of tax, doesn't it strike you as odd that very few Texans question the amount of their tax that contributes to the monster machine that is TDCJ with it's more than 100 prisons and around 140,000 inmates?
If TDCJ paid a dollar an hour - dammit, even a dollar a day - to inmates who worked, then the $100 annual medical charge (inmates who are indigent are not denied medical attention - I wont call it 'care') would be a little easier to swallow, because it would indeed be coming from the inmate's own funds. But given that inmates do not get paid, it is not the inmate who then pays for the medical charge: it's the friends and family of the inmate who are already paying through their taxes, and are then being told that they will pay TWICE through the money they send the inmate.
It's not just the money, or lack of, that is an issue in Texas. The convoluted and downright deliberate lack of will to assign many inmates any credit or 'good time' if they do behave themselves, is clogging up the system. It is causing (along with the dysfunctional BPP system) inmates to remain in prison long after they make that mind shift from reprobate to remorseful and wanting to give something back to society. The inability of the system to see beyond a crime to the inmate, to measure that inmate against them self rather than against an outdated perception of what an inmate should be, or to see prison as an undesirable millstone around the neck of a community has lead to certain parties within TDCJ and the TX legislature working tirelessly to keep as many inmates in prison as possible just to keep the prison machine going as it is.
Given the size of TDCJ, one possible reason for not paying inmates to work could be that there simply would not be enough 'jobs' to go round. It almost certainly suits some sections of the administration that so many TDCJ inmates are excused work because of 'medical' reasons - when these individuals could easily take part in computer-based occupations (no, not the Internet or unrestricted email), building and repairs, modern farming (rather than the plantation slavery that has men weeding fields on their knees with their hands in the TX summer) and any number of other things that would.... oh, I remember, we don't want the prison population to fall too low do we, otherwise some good ol' boys might have to be let go. Better to keep those inmates in prison until they are too old or sick to contribute as much as they would like to society, so that if by some miracle they do get paroled, it will only be a matter of time before they roll back through the picket gate again.
So will the planned strike change anything?
In short, no I don't think it will - beyond making life even more uncomfortable for any inmates not only involved, but also just in the same prisons as the action-takers. I understand the need to feel in control of ones destiny and to rise up against tyranny, but I really don't think this kind of action will achieve that.
What might go some way to achieving it is for the friends and families of the inmates to stop taking this laying down. Stop taking on the shame of your inmate's crime - let the inmate carry that, and walk in liberation with your head up to that polling booth and vote out the people who are standing in the way of change. Stand for local government yourself, then state government. TALK about this with people, don't let the bullies think they can do what they like and get away with it. Educate yourself, learn the law and use it, start blogs, newspapers, radio shows, join the TIFA, become active. Don't do your inmate's time for them, use the time to make the situation fairer for all now and all who come after. It can be done, you only have to look outside of the US to see that penal systems do not have to be run along the same lines as gulags.
Showing posts with label long distance love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label long distance love. Show all posts
Saturday, 20 August 2016
Saturday, 30 May 2015
Long time ago
In Lidl this morning, doing my usual Saturday wander around the sliced sausages and raspberries, I was humming First Aid Kit's song "Long Time Ago" to myself. It's the tune that BBC 4 have been using to promote their new Danish drama "1864", so I'm sure you'd know it if you heard it. A little old lady was stood next to me at the bacon section and she commented what a pretty tune it was. I just said thank you, and then she said she had eaten some of the bacon last week and it was lovely. She was digging around for a later use-by date so I helped her find one.
This of course led to a little more conversation. Turns out her husband died a few weeks ago. She was also buying herself some flowers, because, she said, her parents always said to enjoy them while you can see them. She and her husband had been married almost 60 years. Then I got a brief summary of how they had grown up together in Bristol and how he had waited until she was 17 before asking her out. She was engaged at 21, married at 23 when he came out of the navy.
She told me that a man she has known a few years asked her to marry him last week, and that he wanted to take her to Europe for 3 months. She said "I'm nearly 84, I can't go to Europe!" I said she could go wherever she wanted to, to which she put her head on one side and said "yes, but not with him!"
I can't hope for 60 years of marriage, but I do at least hope that the years we have together are as happy as that lady's were with her husband.
This of course led to a little more conversation. Turns out her husband died a few weeks ago. She was also buying herself some flowers, because, she said, her parents always said to enjoy them while you can see them. She and her husband had been married almost 60 years. Then I got a brief summary of how they had grown up together in Bristol and how he had waited until she was 17 before asking her out. She was engaged at 21, married at 23 when he came out of the navy.
She told me that a man she has known a few years asked her to marry him last week, and that he wanted to take her to Europe for 3 months. She said "I'm nearly 84, I can't go to Europe!" I said she could go wherever she wanted to, to which she put her head on one side and said "yes, but not with him!"
I can't hope for 60 years of marriage, but I do at least hope that the years we have together are as happy as that lady's were with her husband.
Wednesday, 8 April 2015
Small but welcome changes
Back from my latest marathon slog across the pond to visit my husband. A weekend in Texas is really enough for anyone, but he's worth it. This time I picked up a stinking cold on the way over and then added to it with around 10 mosquito bites from spending just 20 minutes in my friend's garden on Friday. I react badly to them, but thankfully none were on my face this time!
It being the Easter weekend, I had hoped that the visit room would be quiet and I was right. Saturday there were still 3 or 4 empty tables when I left, and on Sunday there was barely half the room full. That was good because we didn't have to raise our voices to be heard, and the guards were in a relaxed mood as well - probably because they were not rushed off their feet. Talking of feet, I was complimented on my socks by the guards who were doing the body searches. Pity I couldn't give them one of my business cards though as we're not allowed to take anything like that in with us.
A good addition to the visit room were colouring sets (a sheet of paper with a black and white drawing on and a few crayons) and a small book case for the kids to use. In 10 years I've never seen that provided by TDCJ, and it was great to see it there this weekend. And it's not just for kids; there was a young man with Downs Syndrome there on Saturday and he happily took a colouring set back to their table. That was lovely to see.
I felt a little bad that my husband was missing pork chops for his lunch. One of the other visitors was waiting on the table next to us for the inmate to come through, and after a while the guard came over and said that the inmate had already gone to lunch then the visit call went through, and that as it was pork chops they didn't want to make him leave the chow hall so he would be a little longer in arriving. That was nice that the guards let the visitors know - and that the guy got to eat his lunch first!
We had a good talk on both days. We had nothing that needed sorting out between us, but things that have happened in the family recently took up a bit of our time. That's OK though, as it's so much easier to do that in real time than via letters that still take on average 10 days to get to their destination.
Perhaps in a few more years TDCJ will have taken another step towards the modern age and will permit inmates to have tablets and perhaps video visits. Other states manage it without any security issues.
It being the Easter weekend, I had hoped that the visit room would be quiet and I was right. Saturday there were still 3 or 4 empty tables when I left, and on Sunday there was barely half the room full. That was good because we didn't have to raise our voices to be heard, and the guards were in a relaxed mood as well - probably because they were not rushed off their feet. Talking of feet, I was complimented on my socks by the guards who were doing the body searches. Pity I couldn't give them one of my business cards though as we're not allowed to take anything like that in with us.
A good addition to the visit room were colouring sets (a sheet of paper with a black and white drawing on and a few crayons) and a small book case for the kids to use. In 10 years I've never seen that provided by TDCJ, and it was great to see it there this weekend. And it's not just for kids; there was a young man with Downs Syndrome there on Saturday and he happily took a colouring set back to their table. That was lovely to see.
I felt a little bad that my husband was missing pork chops for his lunch. One of the other visitors was waiting on the table next to us for the inmate to come through, and after a while the guard came over and said that the inmate had already gone to lunch then the visit call went through, and that as it was pork chops they didn't want to make him leave the chow hall so he would be a little longer in arriving. That was nice that the guards let the visitors know - and that the guy got to eat his lunch first!
We had a good talk on both days. We had nothing that needed sorting out between us, but things that have happened in the family recently took up a bit of our time. That's OK though, as it's so much easier to do that in real time than via letters that still take on average 10 days to get to their destination.
Perhaps in a few more years TDCJ will have taken another step towards the modern age and will permit inmates to have tablets and perhaps video visits. Other states manage it without any security issues.
Sunday, 8 March 2015
Thank you to the Royal Mail
As you might imagine, I have a love-hate relationship with the Royal Mail (and USPS, but this post isn't about them). I spend monthly on stamps what most people spend on their mobile phone contract, and some months it feels like I'm literally paying my postman's wages.
On 30 March 2015, the Royal Mail are putting up the postage rates again. Nothing new there, it happens every year and I'm not against businesses making a profit. Except we know that the Royal Mail hardly makes a profit, if at all, and is slowly losing the battle with other mail carriers here in the UK. There has been talk of stopping Saturday deliveries, reducing deliveries to certain more remote areas of the UK, and the more obvious putting prices up by a lot more than they usually do. New postage rates pdf is HERE.
Many of you reading this might be struggling to remember the last time you actually sent something through the post. We all use texts and emails now, don't we? Well no, not all of us.
I have started buying greetings cards on Folksy, rather than on the high street. Generally they cost the same even when postage is included, and I like to support small businesses. One in particular is DaisyWings, run by a lady artist based in Berkshire who puts her gorgeous watercolour illustrations onto greetings cards. The Royal Mail get two hits out of this: one when the cards are sent to me, and another when I send them on to the recipient.
But in general, I use the Royal Mail to communicate with my husband and my penpals. Over the past 10 years I have sent on average 6 letters each week and the international letter rate has gone up steadily from around 60p to the new lowest rate of £1 for anything up to 10g (basically a postcard). There used to be a large table of prices and weights, but the Royal Mail have now simplified things wonderfully, and there are just 3 rates for international letters. The majority of mine will fit in the "up to 20g" rate, which will be £1.33 a time.
When you consider how many hands that letter will pass through, and the 4800 km journey it goes on between me and my husband, I think £1.33 is still a pretty good deal. So well done and thank you Royal Mail, for getting the vast majority of our letters across the pond safely.
On 30 March 2015, the Royal Mail are putting up the postage rates again. Nothing new there, it happens every year and I'm not against businesses making a profit. Except we know that the Royal Mail hardly makes a profit, if at all, and is slowly losing the battle with other mail carriers here in the UK. There has been talk of stopping Saturday deliveries, reducing deliveries to certain more remote areas of the UK, and the more obvious putting prices up by a lot more than they usually do. New postage rates pdf is HERE.
Many of you reading this might be struggling to remember the last time you actually sent something through the post. We all use texts and emails now, don't we? Well no, not all of us.
I have started buying greetings cards on Folksy, rather than on the high street. Generally they cost the same even when postage is included, and I like to support small businesses. One in particular is DaisyWings, run by a lady artist based in Berkshire who puts her gorgeous watercolour illustrations onto greetings cards. The Royal Mail get two hits out of this: one when the cards are sent to me, and another when I send them on to the recipient.
But in general, I use the Royal Mail to communicate with my husband and my penpals. Over the past 10 years I have sent on average 6 letters each week and the international letter rate has gone up steadily from around 60p to the new lowest rate of £1 for anything up to 10g (basically a postcard). There used to be a large table of prices and weights, but the Royal Mail have now simplified things wonderfully, and there are just 3 rates for international letters. The majority of mine will fit in the "up to 20g" rate, which will be £1.33 a time.
When you consider how many hands that letter will pass through, and the 4800 km journey it goes on between me and my husband, I think £1.33 is still a pretty good deal. So well done and thank you Royal Mail, for getting the vast majority of our letters across the pond safely.
Monday, 9 February 2015
Sad? No way!
(or How To Make Your Birthday Last A Week).
Yes, it's my birthday this week, and as usual I have taken the week off work. Why anyone would want to work on their birthday is beyond me; it's the first date I book for leave every year and I have no intention of working on my birthday ever. So there!
I have had a couple of comments recently, from well-meaning friends and colleagues, along the lines of, "It must be hard when your husband can't celebrate your birthday with you". Isn't it odd how people make assumptions? Of all the 365 days in each year, birthdays are no more or less hard than any other day. Him not being here (or being there) is just how it's always been for us.
To me, birthdays are more important than other national or religious holidays. In our family they have always been the day when the birthday person gets to choose what to have for tea, and what to watch on telly. We also tend to spin our birthdays out too, covering as many days as possible. In previous years I've been to gigs, exhibitions and on general adventures in the days before and after my birthday. If week-long celebrations were good enough for the Romans....
My husband is very good at getting his cards to arrive before the actual day. I have no idea how he manages it, given the number of different hands our mail passes through and the inevitable delays and disappearances. My birthday envelope arrived at the end of last week, and I have been very good and not opened it yet.
Of course most people associate birthday with presents. I get enough from my friends and other family, I'm not in need of anything more from my husband. If the giving of gifts was a requirement of mine for a successful relationship, I really shouldn't have married him! And at least this way, I don't have to share my chocolates, or worry that the flowers I treated myself to this afternoon will bring on his allergies.
We are focused on our next visit now in a few weeks, so this week is more a time to get practical stuff like dental appointments and boiler servicing done than being too extravagant. I am visiting Oxford later this week with my daughter and we are going to the William Blake exhibition at the Ashmolean, and for burgers at Atomic Burger down the Cowley Road.
I have no need to ask for more.
Yes, it's my birthday this week, and as usual I have taken the week off work. Why anyone would want to work on their birthday is beyond me; it's the first date I book for leave every year and I have no intention of working on my birthday ever. So there!
I have had a couple of comments recently, from well-meaning friends and colleagues, along the lines of, "It must be hard when your husband can't celebrate your birthday with you". Isn't it odd how people make assumptions? Of all the 365 days in each year, birthdays are no more or less hard than any other day. Him not being here (or being there) is just how it's always been for us.
To me, birthdays are more important than other national or religious holidays. In our family they have always been the day when the birthday person gets to choose what to have for tea, and what to watch on telly. We also tend to spin our birthdays out too, covering as many days as possible. In previous years I've been to gigs, exhibitions and on general adventures in the days before and after my birthday. If week-long celebrations were good enough for the Romans....
My husband is very good at getting his cards to arrive before the actual day. I have no idea how he manages it, given the number of different hands our mail passes through and the inevitable delays and disappearances. My birthday envelope arrived at the end of last week, and I have been very good and not opened it yet.
Of course most people associate birthday with presents. I get enough from my friends and other family, I'm not in need of anything more from my husband. If the giving of gifts was a requirement of mine for a successful relationship, I really shouldn't have married him! And at least this way, I don't have to share my chocolates, or worry that the flowers I treated myself to this afternoon will bring on his allergies.
We are focused on our next visit now in a few weeks, so this week is more a time to get practical stuff like dental appointments and boiler servicing done than being too extravagant. I am visiting Oxford later this week with my daughter and we are going to the William Blake exhibition at the Ashmolean, and for burgers at Atomic Burger down the Cowley Road.
I have no need to ask for more.
Sunday, 4 January 2015
Onwards
At this time of year, many people look back over the past 12 months and dissect their trials and tribulations. I find that a little depressing, even for the happy times, because they have gone and you can't get them back. So I prefer to look forwards, do a bit of planning (in the face of the Gods, just to see if they are taking any notice) and work out where I'd like to be in 12 months or so from now.
The recent VAT debacle has made me revise my original plans for developing the knitting patterns I've been working on. This has been a good thing, though I'd rather it hadn't been dropped on me at a moment's notice. But, carpe diem and all that jazz. I may not be as prolific as some designers out there, but I think I can contribute something to the global pattern library, so I will be working on those this year.
I'll still be spinning of course, and I have some more grey Gotland fleece on order. It's all part of the bigger picture really; I want to spin so I have yarn to create designs with, for myself and my family. I do also have a large stash of assorted yarns that I need to work with before buying any more... but any knitter out there will know how likely that is! 2015 is the Chinese year of the Sheep (goat/ram/etc) so I'm hoping to pick up some of the fleecy vibes.
I'll be seeing my husband again this spring, which is usually the main event in my year. I'm contemplating requesting a weekday visit at the moment, as it would fit our plans better. They are at the Warden's discretion of course, but if you don't ask, you're unlikely to get.
Blogging more often is also on my To Do list. I'm not one to blog for the sake of it, you are unlikely to see "this is my breakfast" or "my cat just did this" posts, but I do want to aim for at least once a month this year.
I've been offered a new opportunity at my day job, a secondment for up to 2 years, so things will be changing there and hopefully for the better. I'm not allowing myself to get excited about it until I have more details, but it has come at the right time for me. I've been doing my current job for just over 9 years now and things have changed a lot in that time.
There will be a bit of travel around the UK for my family history investigations. We have a castle in Durham ... well, we did, a few centuries ago, and it's now a mossy ruin, but I'd still like to go up and have a wander if I can. Plus there are still some bits of Berkshire that I need to get to and document properly.
So really 2015 will be more of the same, but hopefully bigger and better, and a little more lucrative!
The recent VAT debacle has made me revise my original plans for developing the knitting patterns I've been working on. This has been a good thing, though I'd rather it hadn't been dropped on me at a moment's notice. But, carpe diem and all that jazz. I may not be as prolific as some designers out there, but I think I can contribute something to the global pattern library, so I will be working on those this year.
I'll still be spinning of course, and I have some more grey Gotland fleece on order. It's all part of the bigger picture really; I want to spin so I have yarn to create designs with, for myself and my family. I do also have a large stash of assorted yarns that I need to work with before buying any more... but any knitter out there will know how likely that is! 2015 is the Chinese year of the Sheep (goat/ram/etc) so I'm hoping to pick up some of the fleecy vibes.
I'll be seeing my husband again this spring, which is usually the main event in my year. I'm contemplating requesting a weekday visit at the moment, as it would fit our plans better. They are at the Warden's discretion of course, but if you don't ask, you're unlikely to get.
Blogging more often is also on my To Do list. I'm not one to blog for the sake of it, you are unlikely to see "this is my breakfast" or "my cat just did this" posts, but I do want to aim for at least once a month this year.
I've been offered a new opportunity at my day job, a secondment for up to 2 years, so things will be changing there and hopefully for the better. I'm not allowing myself to get excited about it until I have more details, but it has come at the right time for me. I've been doing my current job for just over 9 years now and things have changed a lot in that time.
There will be a bit of travel around the UK for my family history investigations. We have a castle in Durham ... well, we did, a few centuries ago, and it's now a mossy ruin, but I'd still like to go up and have a wander if I can. Plus there are still some bits of Berkshire that I need to get to and document properly.
So really 2015 will be more of the same, but hopefully bigger and better, and a little more lucrative!
Tuesday, 20 May 2014
Ethics of trying to help
This is a post about a dilema.
There are a lot of inmates, not only in the USA but around the world, who have no one on the outside. When I say they have no one, I mean that their family and friends have moved on with their lives and rarely communicate (if at all) with the inmate. For inmates serving relatively long sentences, this often happens around the 5-7 year mark, and often also coincides with a change in behaviour of the inmate. They either throw themselves into the life of an inmate, which can open up situations of violence and illegal behaviour, or they can come to the conclusion that they want to make it but they will have to do it on their own.
I could never criticise anyone related to an inmate who chose to move on with their lives. Ultimately, the inmate is the one who is supposed to pay for their crime, not the entire family and extended friends network. And for those who chose to stick around, it does often feel like you are serving a sentence with them - not to the same extent of deprivation or punishment, but a sentence nonetheless.
I've been writing to inmates for the best part of 25 years, and over time I have found a number of ways to contact inmates. Before the widespread use of the internet, I used magazines, and some magazines would allow inmates to place small ads free of charge. I have also known of websites that would list inmates for free, thus providing the means for them or their friends and family to reach out without having to find extra money on top of the household bills and phone calls and stationary and postage etc
And then there are websites that charge for a "service" of giving inmates the opportunity to appeal for correspondence. I have often wondered why some offer this for free and others charge a fee.
I have seen the fee justified by some websites as covering "administration costs". But I have to question just how much of the fee really does go on administration, and how much becomes profit. And there is the rub: should free-world individuals profit by exploiting inmates when there is no real need to do so? Even under the premis of helping to reduce recidivism?
Take a well known website, Write A Prisoner. It's been around a while, and offers an advert for $40 per year to any inmate (unless they happen to be located in a state that does not permit inmates to solicit for correspondence via the internet or printed publications). It's not a sleek-looking site, in fact it looks like it was built about 15 years ago and hasn't had much effort put into keeping it in the current century. Currently there are just over 900 inmate adverts on the site. That's 900 x $40 as a baseline. That's $36000 a year just for placing the ads. But look a little closer and you find that there are charges to update information on each advert, charges for adding a photo or changing a photo, charges for adding extra words above the 250-word standard profile, charges for adding artwork etc etc
These adverts are submitted in electronic format. No one at the website has to sit there typing in the details from a pdf or a sheet of coffee-stained paper. There is the option to email the inmate the first time you contact them through the site; the site prints off the email, pops it into an envelope and sends it via traditional mail. Some of these are received and some are not. Still doesn't justify the $40 fee though, and we haven't even looked at the revenue share from the commercial adverts.
Write A Prisoner claims to fund some community projects from its revenue. There is a Scholarship for the children of inmates and children impacted by crime. The Scholarship is $250. There is no information on how many have been awarded since 2010. They also advertise "Welcome Home Kits" for inmates who are being released but not to a family home. Apparently 43 such kits have been distributed, although they could not be sent to inmates in every state as many do not even permit those picking up a released inmate to take some free-world clothes for the inmate to wear when leaving the prison.
There is a Book Donation scheme. Write a Prisoner says they have donated $ 3,437.00 across 39 books-for-inmates schemes in the US. They do not say whether that is solely in cash, or if they count the value of the books as a like-for-like donation sum.
Why am I saying all of this? Do I have an axe to grind? Not really. I'm not against anyone making an honest buck from their own hard graft. I just have a thing about those who say they are doing something, but where there is no hard evidence for it happening. And then we come to the concept of writing to inmates in the first place.
Believe it or not, it is absolutely possible to write to an inmate without falling in love with them, or they with you. It is totally possible to correspond with an inmate less than once a day, by traditional mail, for many years, without them asking you to send them anything at all. But you only have to glance at the forums attached to these websites to wonder if they should be called "Date a Prisoner" instead. There is a conveyor belt of women (and some men, but few and far between) who "want to bring some sunshine into an inmate's life", who treat writing as some kind of game or therapy, get caught up in the "romance" of the situation, and then after approximately 2 years find that either he isn't what they had told themselves he was, or he has been released and had no intention of going home to them. Especially when they have never met the inmate face to face. Then the phrase "Hell hath no fury" really comes into play!
I wonder how many penpal correspondences would become relationships if the websites did not post photographs of the inmates. If people wrote based only on what the advert says - because naturally no one enters into a correspondence with the intention of finding love.... do they?
For a website that wants to be taken seriously, it is basic Marketing 101 that brand is everything. Anyone dropping into these forums would be forgiven for running to the hills with the amount of hybristophiliacs gushing about their latest phone call or visit, or making plans on what they will do the second their penpal steps out of prison. Their understanding of the issues and difficulties faced by newly-released inmates is next to nothing, but still it will be wedding bells and babies and someone to pay the bills and live happily ever after with. People wonder where stereotypes come from: they come from real people, unfortuneately. They don't want the reality of the situation, because, you know, "haters gonna hate" and all that jazz.
So when looking for an inmate to correspond with - which by the way, I still do think is an extremely worthy cause and can be highly rewarding for both parties - I think it is worth asking yourself whether the ethics of the website parading these inmates like a beauty pageant is really what you want to subscribe to or be associated with. If you care about the concept of helping those who are unable to help themselves, perhaps one of the free services would be more appropriate. Like Lost Vault.
There are a lot of inmates, not only in the USA but around the world, who have no one on the outside. When I say they have no one, I mean that their family and friends have moved on with their lives and rarely communicate (if at all) with the inmate. For inmates serving relatively long sentences, this often happens around the 5-7 year mark, and often also coincides with a change in behaviour of the inmate. They either throw themselves into the life of an inmate, which can open up situations of violence and illegal behaviour, or they can come to the conclusion that they want to make it but they will have to do it on their own.
I could never criticise anyone related to an inmate who chose to move on with their lives. Ultimately, the inmate is the one who is supposed to pay for their crime, not the entire family and extended friends network. And for those who chose to stick around, it does often feel like you are serving a sentence with them - not to the same extent of deprivation or punishment, but a sentence nonetheless.
I've been writing to inmates for the best part of 25 years, and over time I have found a number of ways to contact inmates. Before the widespread use of the internet, I used magazines, and some magazines would allow inmates to place small ads free of charge. I have also known of websites that would list inmates for free, thus providing the means for them or their friends and family to reach out without having to find extra money on top of the household bills and phone calls and stationary and postage etc
And then there are websites that charge for a "service" of giving inmates the opportunity to appeal for correspondence. I have often wondered why some offer this for free and others charge a fee.
I have seen the fee justified by some websites as covering "administration costs". But I have to question just how much of the fee really does go on administration, and how much becomes profit. And there is the rub: should free-world individuals profit by exploiting inmates when there is no real need to do so? Even under the premis of helping to reduce recidivism?
Take a well known website, Write A Prisoner. It's been around a while, and offers an advert for $40 per year to any inmate (unless they happen to be located in a state that does not permit inmates to solicit for correspondence via the internet or printed publications). It's not a sleek-looking site, in fact it looks like it was built about 15 years ago and hasn't had much effort put into keeping it in the current century. Currently there are just over 900 inmate adverts on the site. That's 900 x $40 as a baseline. That's $36000 a year just for placing the ads. But look a little closer and you find that there are charges to update information on each advert, charges for adding a photo or changing a photo, charges for adding extra words above the 250-word standard profile, charges for adding artwork etc etc
These adverts are submitted in electronic format. No one at the website has to sit there typing in the details from a pdf or a sheet of coffee-stained paper. There is the option to email the inmate the first time you contact them through the site; the site prints off the email, pops it into an envelope and sends it via traditional mail. Some of these are received and some are not. Still doesn't justify the $40 fee though, and we haven't even looked at the revenue share from the commercial adverts.
Write A Prisoner claims to fund some community projects from its revenue. There is a Scholarship for the children of inmates and children impacted by crime. The Scholarship is $250. There is no information on how many have been awarded since 2010. They also advertise "Welcome Home Kits" for inmates who are being released but not to a family home. Apparently 43 such kits have been distributed, although they could not be sent to inmates in every state as many do not even permit those picking up a released inmate to take some free-world clothes for the inmate to wear when leaving the prison.
There is a Book Donation scheme. Write a Prisoner says they have donated $ 3,437.00 across 39 books-for-inmates schemes in the US. They do not say whether that is solely in cash, or if they count the value of the books as a like-for-like donation sum.
Why am I saying all of this? Do I have an axe to grind? Not really. I'm not against anyone making an honest buck from their own hard graft. I just have a thing about those who say they are doing something, but where there is no hard evidence for it happening. And then we come to the concept of writing to inmates in the first place.
Believe it or not, it is absolutely possible to write to an inmate without falling in love with them, or they with you. It is totally possible to correspond with an inmate less than once a day, by traditional mail, for many years, without them asking you to send them anything at all. But you only have to glance at the forums attached to these websites to wonder if they should be called "Date a Prisoner" instead. There is a conveyor belt of women (and some men, but few and far between) who "want to bring some sunshine into an inmate's life", who treat writing as some kind of game or therapy, get caught up in the "romance" of the situation, and then after approximately 2 years find that either he isn't what they had told themselves he was, or he has been released and had no intention of going home to them. Especially when they have never met the inmate face to face. Then the phrase "Hell hath no fury" really comes into play!
I wonder how many penpal correspondences would become relationships if the websites did not post photographs of the inmates. If people wrote based only on what the advert says - because naturally no one enters into a correspondence with the intention of finding love.... do they?
For a website that wants to be taken seriously, it is basic Marketing 101 that brand is everything. Anyone dropping into these forums would be forgiven for running to the hills with the amount of hybristophiliacs gushing about their latest phone call or visit, or making plans on what they will do the second their penpal steps out of prison. Their understanding of the issues and difficulties faced by newly-released inmates is next to nothing, but still it will be wedding bells and babies and someone to pay the bills and live happily ever after with. People wonder where stereotypes come from: they come from real people, unfortuneately. They don't want the reality of the situation, because, you know, "haters gonna hate" and all that jazz.
So when looking for an inmate to correspond with - which by the way, I still do think is an extremely worthy cause and can be highly rewarding for both parties - I think it is worth asking yourself whether the ethics of the website parading these inmates like a beauty pageant is really what you want to subscribe to or be associated with. If you care about the concept of helping those who are unable to help themselves, perhaps one of the free services would be more appropriate. Like Lost Vault.
Sunday, 16 March 2014
Reality TV? Move along please, nothing to see here
From time to time, on some forums that I belong to that are concerned with inmates and their families, there are request from media production companies and journalists. These requests are usually looking for people who have "fallen for a felon" or "are in love with their inmate penpal". We even had one recently that was offering $500 to cover the "first date".
So-called reality TV is all the rage, though I really don't understand why. Could it be because the people watching have less interesting lives themselves? Or possibly that the people watching can feel smug in the assumption that their lives are in some way better? I think it's probably a bit of both, depending on the subject content.
But why would anyone want to watch a programme about a woman in love with an inmate? Be under no illusions, there really is no way to accurately depict this lifestyle in a sensitive way, and really that's not what the media companies want anyway. I can only think that any such programme would turn out like the "My Big Fat Gypsy" series. On one hand, it shows Irish traveller life in modern Britain, but on the other it holds those people up for ridicule with their fake tans, their gaudy bling and their attitudes to women. How would a programme on inmates and their partners on the outside be any different?
I recon anyone watching my life through a lens would be thinking either "sad cow" or yawning into their popcorn. My husband did a bad thing that got him to prison, but he's not a typical bad boy now he is in there. He is not in fights, is not in Ad Seg (Administrative Segregation in Texas, and often called the SHU or the Hole in other states, effectively a prison within a prison), and is not fighting to proclaim his innocence. He is also not a muscle man or covered in tattoos. I'm not on benefits, don't make my 27 kids go without just so I can visit him, and we don't spend hours on the phone every day using money I should be spending on utility bills. Regular readers of this blog will know that we don't get phone calls at all.
I also don't sit around wallowing in self-pity that my "one true love" is locked away on the other side of the ocean for at least another 10 years. It could not be said that I am "wasting my life" or putting it "on hold". When I'm not at work, I do a lot of crafts, socialise and travel. Sometimes I do these things by myself, and sometimes I do them with friends or family.
In fact, I dare say I am very much like thousands of other women in the UK and the rest of the world, who live by themselves and are getting on with life. I just happen to also be married to a man who is in prison in America.
So-called reality TV is all the rage, though I really don't understand why. Could it be because the people watching have less interesting lives themselves? Or possibly that the people watching can feel smug in the assumption that their lives are in some way better? I think it's probably a bit of both, depending on the subject content.
But why would anyone want to watch a programme about a woman in love with an inmate? Be under no illusions, there really is no way to accurately depict this lifestyle in a sensitive way, and really that's not what the media companies want anyway. I can only think that any such programme would turn out like the "My Big Fat Gypsy" series. On one hand, it shows Irish traveller life in modern Britain, but on the other it holds those people up for ridicule with their fake tans, their gaudy bling and their attitudes to women. How would a programme on inmates and their partners on the outside be any different?
I recon anyone watching my life through a lens would be thinking either "sad cow" or yawning into their popcorn. My husband did a bad thing that got him to prison, but he's not a typical bad boy now he is in there. He is not in fights, is not in Ad Seg (Administrative Segregation in Texas, and often called the SHU or the Hole in other states, effectively a prison within a prison), and is not fighting to proclaim his innocence. He is also not a muscle man or covered in tattoos. I'm not on benefits, don't make my 27 kids go without just so I can visit him, and we don't spend hours on the phone every day using money I should be spending on utility bills. Regular readers of this blog will know that we don't get phone calls at all.
I also don't sit around wallowing in self-pity that my "one true love" is locked away on the other side of the ocean for at least another 10 years. It could not be said that I am "wasting my life" or putting it "on hold". When I'm not at work, I do a lot of crafts, socialise and travel. Sometimes I do these things by myself, and sometimes I do them with friends or family.
In fact, I dare say I am very much like thousands of other women in the UK and the rest of the world, who live by themselves and are getting on with life. I just happen to also be married to a man who is in prison in America.
Sunday, 2 March 2014
Xenophobia
The dictionary defines xenophobia as follows:
"Intense or irrational dislike or fear of people from other countries:"
By chance this week I have learned of the changes that TDCJ have made to the procedures for visitation across all units effective from 1 March 2014. The full document can be found here TDCJ Visitation Changes (the jump from the TDCJ Hompage is currently not active).
While I appreciate that some of these things will make visitation easier for a lot of people, particularly the inclusion of nephews and nieces in the "close relative" catagory for contact visits, there are other things that make it much more difficult for those travelling a long way for visitation - not just from overseas, but anywhere more than 300 miles away.
The item that affects me the most is the new requirement for the visitor ID to have an address that matches the TDCJ records for that person. For the past 8 years, my passport has been adequate ID but that does not contain my address details. I do not drive, so I do not have a European driving licence. I would offer a utility bill, as that is usually accepted here in the UK as proof of address, but as TDCJ do not permit those overseas to register for the inmate phone service it would seem unlikely that a bill would be accepted for anything else. One would think that my flight details might also be proof that I do indeed still live all the way over here and will be returning after the visit, but I don't hold out much hope of that either - considering most TDCJ staff I have known over the years admit to having never been out of the state let alone out of the country and look at my passport as something wierd and unknown, expecting them to understand what a flight print out is is probably pushing things too far.
The only way over this particular hurdle appears to be for me to get a provisional driving licence, at the £50 fee (pushing the cost overall of this visit over the £1000 mark). The DirectGov website says the licence is issued within one week - I hope so because I fly out in 4 weeks time and TDCJ gave no warning that the rules would be changing like this.
I know TDCJ are not there for my convenience. But there does appear to be a consistent level of general ignorance about anything that happens outside of Texas when it comes to making any rules at all. It is also starting to appear as xenophobia when you look at the following:
There is a question about what items would make visiting with children easier, but the way it is worded you can only respond to that if you actually have children. As anyone who visits TDCJ units knows, when children are in the visit room it affects everyone else there, so why should I not also be able to say that providing colouring pencils and paper would be a good idea?
Question 10 says: Do you communicate with the offender by letter, email (JPay) or phone before a visit?
The answer options are:
Finally, the last field on the survey asks for suggestions on how the unit can make visitation more enjoyable. I started typing my response, but the character limit is only around 200 - not nearly enough to mention the things I would like to, such as maybe sometimes using the outside seating at my husband's unit which has never been used in the 8 years he has been there. The staff at the unit are usually polite and efficient, even when their equipment doesn't work properly, and I have no issue with them at all. It's the TDCJ Administration that appear to be bunkered down in Austin and Huntsville like a bunch or Preppers, desperate to keep everyone out and everyone in, both at the same time.
And to top it all, when I hit the "submit" button, I get an error message. I have emailed the webservice team about all of this, but you know, I'm not Texan, so I'm not holding out for a response any time soon.
"Intense or irrational dislike or fear of people from other countries:"
By chance this week I have learned of the changes that TDCJ have made to the procedures for visitation across all units effective from 1 March 2014. The full document can be found here TDCJ Visitation Changes (the jump from the TDCJ Hompage is currently not active).
While I appreciate that some of these things will make visitation easier for a lot of people, particularly the inclusion of nephews and nieces in the "close relative" catagory for contact visits, there are other things that make it much more difficult for those travelling a long way for visitation - not just from overseas, but anywhere more than 300 miles away.
The item that affects me the most is the new requirement for the visitor ID to have an address that matches the TDCJ records for that person. For the past 8 years, my passport has been adequate ID but that does not contain my address details. I do not drive, so I do not have a European driving licence. I would offer a utility bill, as that is usually accepted here in the UK as proof of address, but as TDCJ do not permit those overseas to register for the inmate phone service it would seem unlikely that a bill would be accepted for anything else. One would think that my flight details might also be proof that I do indeed still live all the way over here and will be returning after the visit, but I don't hold out much hope of that either - considering most TDCJ staff I have known over the years admit to having never been out of the state let alone out of the country and look at my passport as something wierd and unknown, expecting them to understand what a flight print out is is probably pushing things too far.
The only way over this particular hurdle appears to be for me to get a provisional driving licence, at the £50 fee (pushing the cost overall of this visit over the £1000 mark). The DirectGov website says the licence is issued within one week - I hope so because I fly out in 4 weeks time and TDCJ gave no warning that the rules would be changing like this.
I know TDCJ are not there for my convenience. But there does appear to be a consistent level of general ignorance about anything that happens outside of Texas when it comes to making any rules at all. It is also starting to appear as xenophobia when you look at the following:
- International postage stamps are not available through commisarry at many units, meaning inmates must use 3 inland stamps and pay more than is required for the service
- Inmates are not permitted to call friends and family overseas, and those people living overseas (meaning, outside of the USA, excluding Alaska and Hawaii) are not permitted to registered their phone for the Inmate Telephone Service
- Visitors must obtain photo ID with a current address included - something that is not required in many other countries including Britain.
- Every weekend
- More than twice per month
- Once per month
- When I am able to but not on a consistent basis
There is a question about what items would make visiting with children easier, but the way it is worded you can only respond to that if you actually have children. As anyone who visits TDCJ units knows, when children are in the visit room it affects everyone else there, so why should I not also be able to say that providing colouring pencils and paper would be a good idea?
Question 10 says: Do you communicate with the offender by letter, email (JPay) or phone before a visit?
The answer options are:
- Always
- Sometimes
- Never
Finally, the last field on the survey asks for suggestions on how the unit can make visitation more enjoyable. I started typing my response, but the character limit is only around 200 - not nearly enough to mention the things I would like to, such as maybe sometimes using the outside seating at my husband's unit which has never been used in the 8 years he has been there. The staff at the unit are usually polite and efficient, even when their equipment doesn't work properly, and I have no issue with them at all. It's the TDCJ Administration that appear to be bunkered down in Austin and Huntsville like a bunch or Preppers, desperate to keep everyone out and everyone in, both at the same time.
And to top it all, when I hit the "submit" button, I get an error message. I have emailed the webservice team about all of this, but you know, I'm not Texan, so I'm not holding out for a response any time soon.
Saturday, 7 December 2013
Anniversary
A few days ago, Hubby and I celebrated 7 years of marriage. We celebrated separately of course; we've only spent one anniversary together in all of those years.
We have two anniversaries each year. Our wedding anniversary in December and also our "first contact" anniversary in June. That marks the day that we first knew each other, the day we first talked. Hubby always places more importance on that one than I do, possibly because he has been married before and I haven't.
When I read others' posts about their anniversaries with their husbands, fiances and boyfriends, I always think they get a bit gushing and luvvie. I'm sure that to them, their men are wonderful and everything they ever wanted in a man - except for not actually being there of course. I don't want to go down that same route with this post. Instead, I want to put down what it means to me to be a wife.
So many women go into marriage thinking about what they will gain from it. Whether it be financial or emotional or practical support, there is often a benefit to being married rather than staying single (or even staying with the guy but not being married). When you marry an inmate, it really doesn't work like that at all, especially if the inmate is in TDCJ.
If you are looking for financial help, you really should look elsewhere. TDCJ inmates are not paid for the work that they generally have to do, so you'd better make sure you can support yourself, and him (and any kids or other family you might have or acquire through marriage). I have a good full-time job which is enough to cover our expenses; he hates it that I send him money each month, but if I didn't he wouldn't be able to write to me or the rest of our family or friends.
Practical support is also, obviously, not there. I take out my own rubbish, do my own dishes, put up my own shelves and do my own laundry. Ours is a self-contained relationship in that we each take care of ourselves and not physically each other. This wouldn't work for everyone, you have to be very comfortable with your own company and resourceful, not minding if you break a nail here and there.
So what's in it for me, I hear you wondering.
At the risk of slipping into slushiness, it's the emotional support. I'm a pretty together woman, and can draw on my own reserves when I need to, but what I get out of this arrangement is someone who cares what's happening to me. Someone to discuss stuff with, and make decisions with, someone to tell about my day who is genuinely interested. Someone to share new discoveries with, someone to encourage and who encourages me in return. It's a bonus that I happen to think he is damned good looking.
I take my vows very seriously. Not the common "love, honour and obey" that you get in religious ceremonies, because we didn't have one of those. We were married by a Judge and the words she used were much more relevant to us, about being two individuals making the choice to face whatever life throws at them together. To be each other's shelter and stability. That was my promise to Hubby, that I would continue to be as I had been up to then, that I could give him consistency and stability.
The past 7 years have been..... unorthodox. Naturally there are things I would change if I could, but he isn't one of them.
We have two anniversaries each year. Our wedding anniversary in December and also our "first contact" anniversary in June. That marks the day that we first knew each other, the day we first talked. Hubby always places more importance on that one than I do, possibly because he has been married before and I haven't.
When I read others' posts about their anniversaries with their husbands, fiances and boyfriends, I always think they get a bit gushing and luvvie. I'm sure that to them, their men are wonderful and everything they ever wanted in a man - except for not actually being there of course. I don't want to go down that same route with this post. Instead, I want to put down what it means to me to be a wife.
So many women go into marriage thinking about what they will gain from it. Whether it be financial or emotional or practical support, there is often a benefit to being married rather than staying single (or even staying with the guy but not being married). When you marry an inmate, it really doesn't work like that at all, especially if the inmate is in TDCJ.
If you are looking for financial help, you really should look elsewhere. TDCJ inmates are not paid for the work that they generally have to do, so you'd better make sure you can support yourself, and him (and any kids or other family you might have or acquire through marriage). I have a good full-time job which is enough to cover our expenses; he hates it that I send him money each month, but if I didn't he wouldn't be able to write to me or the rest of our family or friends.
Practical support is also, obviously, not there. I take out my own rubbish, do my own dishes, put up my own shelves and do my own laundry. Ours is a self-contained relationship in that we each take care of ourselves and not physically each other. This wouldn't work for everyone, you have to be very comfortable with your own company and resourceful, not minding if you break a nail here and there.
So what's in it for me, I hear you wondering.
At the risk of slipping into slushiness, it's the emotional support. I'm a pretty together woman, and can draw on my own reserves when I need to, but what I get out of this arrangement is someone who cares what's happening to me. Someone to discuss stuff with, and make decisions with, someone to tell about my day who is genuinely interested. Someone to share new discoveries with, someone to encourage and who encourages me in return. It's a bonus that I happen to think he is damned good looking.
I take my vows very seriously. Not the common "love, honour and obey" that you get in religious ceremonies, because we didn't have one of those. We were married by a Judge and the words she used were much more relevant to us, about being two individuals making the choice to face whatever life throws at them together. To be each other's shelter and stability. That was my promise to Hubby, that I would continue to be as I had been up to then, that I could give him consistency and stability.
The past 7 years have been..... unorthodox. Naturally there are things I would change if I could, but he isn't one of them.
Monday, 26 August 2013
A long weekend
It's the August bank holiday weekend here in England (the Scots don't share this one with us), which means Monday off work for a lot of people, me included. It hasn't come too soon in my opinion, I tend to work all through the summer when others are taking their holidays, and I use my days in the spring and autumn instead. That makes for a long slog getting from week to week though, so I do look forward to this short working week. We haven't had a public holiday since the end of May this year, and don't get another until Christmas.
It's given me an extra day to just do very little. Normal weekends are not quite long enough to fully let my head unwind, but this does feel like a proper break from work. My job involves thinking for about 15 other people, planning and troubleshooting as well as customer service, so it's nice to only think about me for a while.
But as usual, I end up thinking of other people anyway! My mother-in-law hasn't had the best of summers, so while out shopping yesterday I decided to get a few small things to make a surprise package for her. When I got home, I decided I also needed a small bag to put the items in, and so set about making a Bag Of Sunshine:
The downside to a bank holiday weekend is no mail on the Monday. As I've had the time to write, my husband will be getting a much longer letter than he's been used to recently, so no complaints from him! He generally doesn't complain but as I've worked a few very long days over the past month, I've been sending cards instead of proper letters. Now I can expand on some of the things I've just mentioned in passing, which stimulates conversation back from him too. He has also started writing short pieces for a blog on the nature he sees when he is working. It's a good discipline, one we both enjoy.
It's given me an extra day to just do very little. Normal weekends are not quite long enough to fully let my head unwind, but this does feel like a proper break from work. My job involves thinking for about 15 other people, planning and troubleshooting as well as customer service, so it's nice to only think about me for a while.
But as usual, I end up thinking of other people anyway! My mother-in-law hasn't had the best of summers, so while out shopping yesterday I decided to get a few small things to make a surprise package for her. When I got home, I decided I also needed a small bag to put the items in, and so set about making a Bag Of Sunshine:
I've been suffering a little bit of Festival Envy this weekend too, watching the Reading Festival on telly. I grew up in that town, and spent a few of my teenage summers either inside the festival or just hanging out on the outside meeting random people and generally enjoying the music and the atmosphere (back in the days when it was still a ROCK Festival). My daughter went for the first time when she was 12 (with her dad) and that spawned an equal appreciation of live music to rival mine. We are hoping to go and see Volbeat live in October together, but watching the kids at Reading this weekend made me yearn for the days of sun, beer and tunes in a field in Berkshire. I'm tool old and arthritic to camp over these days, but maybe next year Download for the day...
The downside to a bank holiday weekend is no mail on the Monday. As I've had the time to write, my husband will be getting a much longer letter than he's been used to recently, so no complaints from him! He generally doesn't complain but as I've worked a few very long days over the past month, I've been sending cards instead of proper letters. Now I can expand on some of the things I've just mentioned in passing, which stimulates conversation back from him too. He has also started writing short pieces for a blog on the nature he sees when he is working. It's a good discipline, one we both enjoy.
Saturday, 27 July 2013
From him to me
Another song he wants me to listen to. This is about as close to Country music as he dare nudge me, but as he's asking....
Sheryl Crow ~ "Easy"
Tuesday, 6 November 2012
Security
Some words have both a positive and a negative connotation, and security is one of those words.
Sometimes security means a source of comfort; where or what makes you feel safe, and also the word Yes. For me, one source of security is often knitting, and on my travels in Texas last week my friend and I found a great yarn shop near to Spring called The Hen House. We'd already been into the local Hobby Lobby and I'd bought some yarn that I thought would make some pretty socks, but they didn't have any individual patterns for sale. So by word of mouth, we found The Hen House and what an Aladdin's cave it is! Not only do they have an amazing selection of traditional, specialist and novelty yarns and yarn equipment, but they also have a large stock of quilting fabric and equipment and a range of finished quilts on display. The ladies there were very friendly, and I would absolutely recommend the shop to anyone in search of yarn in Texas. In fact next time I visit, I intend to save some extra cash to spend on some of their yarns.
For other people, the word security is more related to restrictions and closely related to the word No. We experienced that kind of security this weekend when I went to visit my husband. Usually we get 2 x 4 hour contact visits - always with the proviso that if it gets crowded we may have to have the visit cut short. This time, my husband's wing had been placed on security lockdown because allegedly a gun and some bullets had been discovered. This is not a new situation at this particular unit; they have been on various lockdowns for similar reasons all through the summer this year.
However, this time it meant that not only were we not able to have our usual contact visit (which is only contact in as much as we get to hug and kiss briefly at the start and end of the visit and can hold hands across a wide table), but that my husband was not permitted to sit in the open run with the other inmates behind the glass but had to sit in a cage instead, like the inmates in Ad Seg do. No contact absolutely means no contact. We could have had photos but we chose not to, given the circumstances.
While we dealt with it as an inconvenience (albeit an upsetting one, as I can't just pop back in a week or so and get a hug and a kiss, this is it for us for the next year now), we discovered on the Sunday that some of the inmates who were supposed to be participating in the Day With Dad event on the Saturday from my husband's wing had been told at the last minute that they could not now take part. The couple next to us were one such family; the lady had 2 small children of about 2 and 3 years old, and had been told she would have to wait up to 3 hours for a regular visit instead on the Saturday. She decided to find a motel and come back for a visit on the Sunday, adding considerable expense and inconvenience to her weekend. The children were obviously used to seeing their dad in the contact area as neither understood why he couldn't open their packets of sweets for them or why they couldn't sit on his knee.
Some will say, I'm sure, that the bottom line is if the inmates had behaved in the first place then this would not be an issue. I agree to a point, but when the inmates do behave while incarcerated, and then still receive extra punishment for something that they had no part in, how is than an incentive to keep behaving correctly? And more of an issue is the punishment of innocent people like those two children and their mother. Visitation is not just about the inmate.Phone calls are not just about the inmate. TDCJ states that it works to encourage friends and family to stay in touch with the inmates, but one has to wonder just how hard it works to enable this when it comes to explaining to a 3 years old why daddy can't give them a hug this weekend.
TDCJ and many other similar organisations fall into the habit of only seeing the inmate. Peer pressure is all well and good, but when the target has not done anything wrong, it simply breeds resentment and reduces co-operation from others that are affected by the punitive measures. Inmates rarely talk to other inmates in the visit room. Inmates, even locked in single line cells, have far more opportunity to talk. The reasoning behind the severe segregation of the inmates in my husband's wing this week was, on the surface, flawed.
For those who think we should just be thankful that we were able to have any kind of visit at all, I would ask what kind of person would you prefer to return to society - one with the support of friends and family who finds work and contributes through taxes, or one with no support who very quickly returns to crime and continues to cost the state and tax payers money? Have you ever tried to spend a whole year away from your wife or husband, with no phone calls? My husband might have broken the law, but I haven't.
We did have a good visit, despite the high noise level. I also had more of a holiday this time, instead of just flying in and out either side of a weekend. And now I am back home and ready to refocus on building our own security further by buying the flat that I live in. Positive steps usually work better than negative ones.
Sometimes security means a source of comfort; where or what makes you feel safe, and also the word Yes. For me, one source of security is often knitting, and on my travels in Texas last week my friend and I found a great yarn shop near to Spring called The Hen House. We'd already been into the local Hobby Lobby and I'd bought some yarn that I thought would make some pretty socks, but they didn't have any individual patterns for sale. So by word of mouth, we found The Hen House and what an Aladdin's cave it is! Not only do they have an amazing selection of traditional, specialist and novelty yarns and yarn equipment, but they also have a large stock of quilting fabric and equipment and a range of finished quilts on display. The ladies there were very friendly, and I would absolutely recommend the shop to anyone in search of yarn in Texas. In fact next time I visit, I intend to save some extra cash to spend on some of their yarns.
For other people, the word security is more related to restrictions and closely related to the word No. We experienced that kind of security this weekend when I went to visit my husband. Usually we get 2 x 4 hour contact visits - always with the proviso that if it gets crowded we may have to have the visit cut short. This time, my husband's wing had been placed on security lockdown because allegedly a gun and some bullets had been discovered. This is not a new situation at this particular unit; they have been on various lockdowns for similar reasons all through the summer this year.
However, this time it meant that not only were we not able to have our usual contact visit (which is only contact in as much as we get to hug and kiss briefly at the start and end of the visit and can hold hands across a wide table), but that my husband was not permitted to sit in the open run with the other inmates behind the glass but had to sit in a cage instead, like the inmates in Ad Seg do. No contact absolutely means no contact. We could have had photos but we chose not to, given the circumstances.
While we dealt with it as an inconvenience (albeit an upsetting one, as I can't just pop back in a week or so and get a hug and a kiss, this is it for us for the next year now), we discovered on the Sunday that some of the inmates who were supposed to be participating in the Day With Dad event on the Saturday from my husband's wing had been told at the last minute that they could not now take part. The couple next to us were one such family; the lady had 2 small children of about 2 and 3 years old, and had been told she would have to wait up to 3 hours for a regular visit instead on the Saturday. She decided to find a motel and come back for a visit on the Sunday, adding considerable expense and inconvenience to her weekend. The children were obviously used to seeing their dad in the contact area as neither understood why he couldn't open their packets of sweets for them or why they couldn't sit on his knee.
Some will say, I'm sure, that the bottom line is if the inmates had behaved in the first place then this would not be an issue. I agree to a point, but when the inmates do behave while incarcerated, and then still receive extra punishment for something that they had no part in, how is than an incentive to keep behaving correctly? And more of an issue is the punishment of innocent people like those two children and their mother. Visitation is not just about the inmate.Phone calls are not just about the inmate. TDCJ states that it works to encourage friends and family to stay in touch with the inmates, but one has to wonder just how hard it works to enable this when it comes to explaining to a 3 years old why daddy can't give them a hug this weekend.
TDCJ and many other similar organisations fall into the habit of only seeing the inmate. Peer pressure is all well and good, but when the target has not done anything wrong, it simply breeds resentment and reduces co-operation from others that are affected by the punitive measures. Inmates rarely talk to other inmates in the visit room. Inmates, even locked in single line cells, have far more opportunity to talk. The reasoning behind the severe segregation of the inmates in my husband's wing this week was, on the surface, flawed.
For those who think we should just be thankful that we were able to have any kind of visit at all, I would ask what kind of person would you prefer to return to society - one with the support of friends and family who finds work and contributes through taxes, or one with no support who very quickly returns to crime and continues to cost the state and tax payers money? Have you ever tried to spend a whole year away from your wife or husband, with no phone calls? My husband might have broken the law, but I haven't.
We did have a good visit, despite the high noise level. I also had more of a holiday this time, instead of just flying in and out either side of a weekend. And now I am back home and ready to refocus on building our own security further by buying the flat that I live in. Positive steps usually work better than negative ones.
Sunday, 28 October 2012
On the road again
Well in a day or so anyway. Today I'm doing the last minute laundry and checking of flight details etc before I head out over the the Atlantic (hopefully avoiding Hurricane Sandy!) and down to Texas to see my husband.
I found myself wondering earlier, just how many other people do this. I say people, although I guess the vast majority are female, though surely there are at least one or two guys who write to American female inmates and make the journey to see them occasionally. I doubt there is any way to officially count the numbers entering the USA to visit penpals and husbands/boyfriends/fiances each year, simply because most would not give that as their reason for entering the USA. I answer the border guards' questions as and when they are asked, I don't generally volunteer any unrequested information. I stay with an English friend while I'm over there who has been there for 30+ years, and once a border guard did ask me why I would want to go to the small town my friend lives in. I told him that is where she lives, and I could tell he thought I was crazy just for that. I can imagine his opinion if I'd told him that 2 days later we'd be driving up to Palestine to visit my husband in prison. That's why I, and many people I know who do this, don't mention visiting prisons when we travel. It's really not worth the hostility and condescension you receive.
But still I wonder how many people from Europe, Canada and even Australia make this journey each year - and some, multiple times a year. This will be my 10th or 11th visit, I'm not really counting. Each time I'm there, I spend around $500, which isn't much really as I don't treat it like a holiday. Might not sound like much going into the American economy just by myself, but what if there are thousands of people doing the same thing - and spending considerably more than I do - each year.
It is interesting to note the difference in attitudes at the moment between President Obama and Mitt Romney when it comes to all things foreign. Mr Romney says that to be effective overseas, America must be strong at home. That's a very insular view, as if we over here care much in general about how America is at home. We just want to be sure that America isn't dragging the world into yet another war it can't win and has no business financing or facilitating. Mr Romney didn't make a good impression when he recently visited Europe and the Middle East. Someone should remind him that you don't make friends by insulting people or insinuating that you're better than they are.
By contrast, Europe seemed to enjoy President Obama's visit a couple of years ago, particularly his Irish "relatives" the O'Bamas. That was pure genius. It doesn't matter what his political leanings are, or his social policy or even his foreign policy, what Obama has that Romney doesn't is an understanding of people. He doesn't talk down them, he doesn't take a paternal stance and speak as though he knows what's best for us if we would only listen in some Victorianesque tone voice and painted smile. But he can be decisive, and he leads quietly. Maybe Americans would rather have a noisy blusterous individual who stumbles over malapropisms and unimportant things like the truth, and leaves a trail of destruction in their wake. If they do, I'll be leaving America with Mr Romney in charge. And if that happens, it might just get even harder for me to return, because I'm sure I'm not the kind of person he wants hanging out on his turf, even if I am spending my money there for a while.
I found myself wondering earlier, just how many other people do this. I say people, although I guess the vast majority are female, though surely there are at least one or two guys who write to American female inmates and make the journey to see them occasionally. I doubt there is any way to officially count the numbers entering the USA to visit penpals and husbands/boyfriends/fiances each year, simply because most would not give that as their reason for entering the USA. I answer the border guards' questions as and when they are asked, I don't generally volunteer any unrequested information. I stay with an English friend while I'm over there who has been there for 30+ years, and once a border guard did ask me why I would want to go to the small town my friend lives in. I told him that is where she lives, and I could tell he thought I was crazy just for that. I can imagine his opinion if I'd told him that 2 days later we'd be driving up to Palestine to visit my husband in prison. That's why I, and many people I know who do this, don't mention visiting prisons when we travel. It's really not worth the hostility and condescension you receive.
But still I wonder how many people from Europe, Canada and even Australia make this journey each year - and some, multiple times a year. This will be my 10th or 11th visit, I'm not really counting. Each time I'm there, I spend around $500, which isn't much really as I don't treat it like a holiday. Might not sound like much going into the American economy just by myself, but what if there are thousands of people doing the same thing - and spending considerably more than I do - each year.
It is interesting to note the difference in attitudes at the moment between President Obama and Mitt Romney when it comes to all things foreign. Mr Romney says that to be effective overseas, America must be strong at home. That's a very insular view, as if we over here care much in general about how America is at home. We just want to be sure that America isn't dragging the world into yet another war it can't win and has no business financing or facilitating. Mr Romney didn't make a good impression when he recently visited Europe and the Middle East. Someone should remind him that you don't make friends by insulting people or insinuating that you're better than they are.
By contrast, Europe seemed to enjoy President Obama's visit a couple of years ago, particularly his Irish "relatives" the O'Bamas. That was pure genius. It doesn't matter what his political leanings are, or his social policy or even his foreign policy, what Obama has that Romney doesn't is an understanding of people. He doesn't talk down them, he doesn't take a paternal stance and speak as though he knows what's best for us if we would only listen in some Victorianesque tone voice and painted smile. But he can be decisive, and he leads quietly. Maybe Americans would rather have a noisy blusterous individual who stumbles over malapropisms and unimportant things like the truth, and leaves a trail of destruction in their wake. If they do, I'll be leaving America with Mr Romney in charge. And if that happens, it might just get even harder for me to return, because I'm sure I'm not the kind of person he wants hanging out on his turf, even if I am spending my money there for a while.
Thursday, 11 October 2012
Song of the moment
The Gaslight Anthem "Handwritten"
Just has the most appropriate word right now. Enjoy!
Just has the most appropriate word right now. Enjoy!
Wednesday, 28 September 2011
Almost on the road again - another visit to TDCJ
I'll be heading out to Texas again tomorrow morning for another weekend of being driven across a state I have no love for, to see a man for 2 lots of 4 hours who is so much more than his crime, or an inmate, or recidivism waiting to happen, or just another statistic.
I'll be flying across and ocean and a large part of a continent. He'll be walking around 200 meters.
I'll be dressing to placate the TDCJ policy but still look as nice as I can. He'll be trying to get a clean shirt without stains and will be avoiding breakfast so that the guards don't put a thick black marker-pen line on the front of his shirt.
I'll be the one buying the food. He'll be the one eating it.
I'll be the one walking out of the gate at the end of our visit.
Most of the time, I am stoical about this. I knew what I was getting into when we were married, I'm under no illusions that Texas will drop its hostility to inmates and their friends and families and its desire to extract every ounce of flesh it can. But having done 7 years now, and seeing my husband's progress from a battling addict to a calm and reflective older man (who is still trying to help his younger addict brother beat the demons that plague them both, and who is desperately wanted home by their mother) I see less and less justification for him to have to stay there for another 13+ years. My European mentality is at complete odds with his keepers' Texan one.
It's not that we are in any way down-playing the gravity of his actions. It is simply that in his case, and so many others, the length of his sentence serves little purpose. Or at least, the length of time that he has to serve before he can see parole. He will be no less "dangerous" in 13 years time than he is right now, today; he's no more dangerous than you or I. Yet he will be far less productive in 13 years time because he will then be in his mid 60s.
He will also be, despite all our efforts, institutionalised. I see it now in small ways when I'm with him. His hesitation and sometimes inability to make a decision on what to eat or drink. His involuntary habit of looking down rather than at the person talking to him. By the time he leaves prison, he will have not done up a zipper or button for 20 years. Can you even imagine that? How can anyone be "rehabilitated" when all decision-making beyond whether to eat or not has been removed for so long?
It would be better for everyone if - as part of the sentence - inmates spent less time in isolation and more time in the community, still under supervision but actively involved in work or volunteer programmes. But Texans have a peculiar mentality that means they would prefer to have these inmates hidden from view for ever, regardless of whatever crime they had committed, although Texans never come out and say who is supposed to pay for the warehousing of inmates. Even if you keep them in the sub-poverty conditions that many Texans would like, there is still the cost of security supervision, building maintenance, clothing etc.
The more I think about things like this, the more obvious it becomes that I cannot live in Texas. Nowhere is so diametrically opposed to my own views. So our only other recourse is to investigate the possibility of an inter-state transfer, something that few people know exist and fewer Texan inmates ever get to use. But if that is a way, then we will try it.
I'll be flying across and ocean and a large part of a continent. He'll be walking around 200 meters.
I'll be dressing to placate the TDCJ policy but still look as nice as I can. He'll be trying to get a clean shirt without stains and will be avoiding breakfast so that the guards don't put a thick black marker-pen line on the front of his shirt.
I'll be the one buying the food. He'll be the one eating it.
I'll be the one walking out of the gate at the end of our visit.
Most of the time, I am stoical about this. I knew what I was getting into when we were married, I'm under no illusions that Texas will drop its hostility to inmates and their friends and families and its desire to extract every ounce of flesh it can. But having done 7 years now, and seeing my husband's progress from a battling addict to a calm and reflective older man (who is still trying to help his younger addict brother beat the demons that plague them both, and who is desperately wanted home by their mother) I see less and less justification for him to have to stay there for another 13+ years. My European mentality is at complete odds with his keepers' Texan one.
It's not that we are in any way down-playing the gravity of his actions. It is simply that in his case, and so many others, the length of his sentence serves little purpose. Or at least, the length of time that he has to serve before he can see parole. He will be no less "dangerous" in 13 years time than he is right now, today; he's no more dangerous than you or I. Yet he will be far less productive in 13 years time because he will then be in his mid 60s.
He will also be, despite all our efforts, institutionalised. I see it now in small ways when I'm with him. His hesitation and sometimes inability to make a decision on what to eat or drink. His involuntary habit of looking down rather than at the person talking to him. By the time he leaves prison, he will have not done up a zipper or button for 20 years. Can you even imagine that? How can anyone be "rehabilitated" when all decision-making beyond whether to eat or not has been removed for so long?
It would be better for everyone if - as part of the sentence - inmates spent less time in isolation and more time in the community, still under supervision but actively involved in work or volunteer programmes. But Texans have a peculiar mentality that means they would prefer to have these inmates hidden from view for ever, regardless of whatever crime they had committed, although Texans never come out and say who is supposed to pay for the warehousing of inmates. Even if you keep them in the sub-poverty conditions that many Texans would like, there is still the cost of security supervision, building maintenance, clothing etc.
The more I think about things like this, the more obvious it becomes that I cannot live in Texas. Nowhere is so diametrically opposed to my own views. So our only other recourse is to investigate the possibility of an inter-state transfer, something that few people know exist and fewer Texan inmates ever get to use. But if that is a way, then we will try it.
Saturday, 9 July 2011
All around the world
A post for the sake of it really, but I wanted to say thank you and hello to everyone who reads this blog around the world. According to the stats Google provide, I have readers in Estonia, Romania, Germany, Thailand, Australia and Canada, as well as the more expected British and American visitors. So welcome to you all and don't forget to leave your thoughts on any of the topics I cover here!
Saturday, 25 June 2011
A dedication from Hubby
Journey - Send Her My Love (HQ music video)
Sometimes Ray tells me to listen to songs he has heard on the radio, or ones he remembers from before all this. Sometimes other people's words fit when ours don't quite make it.
Wednesday, 11 May 2011
Mothers, flowers and a bit of effort
One of the oddities between the US and the UK is that we have our Mother's Days on different dates. In the UK it tends to be quite early in the year, around March. In the US, it is later, and indeed was this past weekend.
I usually send Ray's mum a card for the UK Mother's Day, and then he sends her one for the US date - we tell her she is worth having 2 days to celebrate. Part of me finds this a bit odd though, because in our family, my parents and grandparents never marked Mother's Day or Father's Day at all. My mum was adamant that she didn't want us to think of her on just one day of the year! I feel the same way (probably because I was brought up that way), and also I find it odd to send a card to someone who isn't actually my mother.
Both my parents are dead. Mum died a few days before I graduated in 2000 and my dad died 6 weeks before Ray went to jail in 2004. But even in my previous relationship, I never sent or wanted cards for those days from my parents-in-law.
What I find even stranger is receiving those cards from any one but my daughter. This year, my mother-in-law sent a very pretty card with a nice verse in it. But I'm not her mother. And even though Ray knows we don't celebrate it at all, he still sends a card that he has someone else draw for me (because he can't even draw stick people).
What did touch my heart this time however, was what was inside the card from Ray. Over the past couple of years he has taken to picking occasional flowers that grow in the courtyards where he is. The inmates are not supposed to, and I do worry that he will get caught one day and catch a case for it (for something so innocent, but still against the rules). He takes the flowers back to his cell and presses them under his mattress. Then, at random times during the year, he sends them to me.
Inside the Mother's Day card he sent me this year were 3 pansy flowers of different colours.
Anyone can grab a bunch of blooms from the local petrol station on their way home and thrust them at their wife or girlfriend as they walk through the door yelling "Hi honey, I'm home!" Anyone, if they have the cash, can make a grand gesture of scattering individual rose petals all over the bedroom and bathroom for that romantic night in.
My husband picks flowers for me in the summer, and sends them to me in the winter, because he loves me all year round.
I usually send Ray's mum a card for the UK Mother's Day, and then he sends her one for the US date - we tell her she is worth having 2 days to celebrate. Part of me finds this a bit odd though, because in our family, my parents and grandparents never marked Mother's Day or Father's Day at all. My mum was adamant that she didn't want us to think of her on just one day of the year! I feel the same way (probably because I was brought up that way), and also I find it odd to send a card to someone who isn't actually my mother.
Both my parents are dead. Mum died a few days before I graduated in 2000 and my dad died 6 weeks before Ray went to jail in 2004. But even in my previous relationship, I never sent or wanted cards for those days from my parents-in-law.
What I find even stranger is receiving those cards from any one but my daughter. This year, my mother-in-law sent a very pretty card with a nice verse in it. But I'm not her mother. And even though Ray knows we don't celebrate it at all, he still sends a card that he has someone else draw for me (because he can't even draw stick people).
What did touch my heart this time however, was what was inside the card from Ray. Over the past couple of years he has taken to picking occasional flowers that grow in the courtyards where he is. The inmates are not supposed to, and I do worry that he will get caught one day and catch a case for it (for something so innocent, but still against the rules). He takes the flowers back to his cell and presses them under his mattress. Then, at random times during the year, he sends them to me.
Inside the Mother's Day card he sent me this year were 3 pansy flowers of different colours.
Anyone can grab a bunch of blooms from the local petrol station on their way home and thrust them at their wife or girlfriend as they walk through the door yelling "Hi honey, I'm home!" Anyone, if they have the cash, can make a grand gesture of scattering individual rose petals all over the bedroom and bathroom for that romantic night in.
My husband picks flowers for me in the summer, and sends them to me in the winter, because he loves me all year round.
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